You know how everyone always blames Bobby Brown for Whitney Houston's downfall? Personally, I think Houston was an adult who made her own choices, but if people ARE going to play the blame game, I wonder why more fingers aren't pointed in Ray J's direction.

After all, Ray J was the guy who was dating Houston for the months preceding her death, and things have been mighty weird with him during the last couple days. First he allegedly got in a brawl with Houston's family at the Billboard Awards, to the point where Whitney's sister-in-law Pat Houston reportedly called security on him, and now he's been hospitalized.

For—say it with me—exhaustion.

After all the hoopla over whether Howard Stern would inexorably change America's Got Talent to America's Got No Moral Compass, it turns out the controversial shock jock is a big old softie after all.

In the show's third episode of the season, Stern was faced with criticizing a pint-sized aspiring rapper named Mir Money, and the little boy began weeping inconsolably. Money's tears not only melted Stern's heart, the moment was so dramatic Stern announced that he was reconsidering his role on the show, saying, "I can't do it, man. I can't do it."

At least, that's what the producers would like you to think. As for me, I CALL BULLSHIT.

I don't really understand why Fifty Shades of Grey is known as "mommy porn." I mean, we don't call adult content that men enjoy "daddy porn," right? (Ew.) So why is this particular book labeled as being for mommies, when it's erotica, plain and simple?

Setting aside the worrying question of whether the term "mommy porn" is meant to degrade women's sexuality by diminishing our valid, normal, and non-mommyish erotic needs, I've decided that given the runaway bestseller response to this book, what the world needs now is some REAL mommy porn.

After all, if it's sold this well without technically even OFFERING any content that's specifically aimed at mothers, I think a Fifty Shades for Moms will be a guaranteed hit!

Please enjoy some of the steamiest scenes from my first 3 chapters: