I’m a humor columnist, on-air lifestyle expert, Host of The Jenny Isenman Show on Cafe Mom, and a proud mama of two. I’m also a cellulite/wrinkle obsessed, pop-culture junkie and card carrying Gen Xer (oh, they have cards). I’m known as Jenny from the Blog at my site The Suburban Jungle. I guarantee that reading it will make you tanner, smarter, and reduces cellulite. Well, at the very least, it’ll make you more literate.
Venti Non-Fat Latte ... oh, and an Iced Green Tea (to negate the bad effects of the coffee)
Last week on a road trip to Disney, I was digging through the contents of the arm rest compartment for some tissues when I realized the old maxi pad that had somehow gotten stuck to my hand would have to do the trick. Plus it had wings, which made for an easy clean-up.
I looked at my mother and said, "We need to invent some kind of portable tool that has all the necessary mommy accoutrements to tackle any parenting task."
Because this was a long road trip and we were two slap-happy adults listening to a Bratz movie for the fourth time, we made a list of all the things said contraption would need.
So here are the fruits of our brainstorm. I give you ... the Swiss Mommy Knife.
Approximately 200,000 people visited Disney World daily over Easter and I may have seen or bumped into 90 percent of them. What I marvel at, aside from the crowds and those Neanderthal looking turkey legs that have lines as long as the thrill rides (WTF?) is the fact that my kids can find things to cry and complain about almost constantly in the place where dreams come true.
Luckily, mine weren't the only ones. Sure my son may have set some kids off when he screamed Mickey Mouse is DEAD in a crowded room? Oh, that happened as I was explaining Walt Disney (the original Mickey) was dead. Um, my bad.
And yes, my daughter may have shed a tear about getting the "wrong" colored magic carpet, but I watched a toddler flailing on the ground exclaiming his ice cream was too "drippy." Nothing like watching other people with their children to make you feel sane! That said, here are things your children will probably cry about in the "happiest place on Earth."
Yep, my Saturday nights are more Carnival than candlelit, more pizza than pizzazz, more cartoons than concerts. Have you ditched ambiance for arcades? If the Then vs. Now below sounds familiar -- the answer is a resounding yes:
Recently, I wrote about Move-a-Body-Friends. You know, those people you would do anything for, like, say, move a body?
Since that’s a metaphor (sorta), I thought I’d make a list of things I would actually do (and in most cases already have) for my nearest and dearest. I think most women I know would, and that’s why the fairer sex is kinda awesome!
I'm not going to lie to you all and tell you that I was always punctual, but becoming a parent has put a whole new spin on my excuses for being late to meetings, lunches, parties, and appointments.
Back in the day, I was late because of normal stuff, you know, my hair didn't look just right, my alarm clock didn't go off, there was traffic on 95. When my kids were babies, it was explosive diarrhea, Exorcist-style spit-ups, and tantrums that all seemed to happen within moments of us leaving.
Now, between me barely keeping my head on straight and my kids being out of their minds, it's excuses like this: