I’m a humor columnist, on-air lifestyle expert, Host of The Jenny Isenman Show on Cafe Mom, and a proud mama of two. I’m also a cellulite/wrinkle obsessed, pop-culture junkie and card carrying Gen Xer (oh, they have cards). I’m known as Jenny from the Blog at my site The Suburban Jungle. I guarantee that reading it will make you tanner, smarter, and reduces cellulite. Well, at the very least, it’ll make you more literate.
Venti Non-Fat Latte ... oh, and an Iced Green Tea (to negate the bad effects of the coffee)
While writing recent pieces about how you know if you're the mom of a boy or the mom of a girl, I realized there are so many indicators that separate us moms (in general) from everyone else on Earth. So here it is: You know you're a mom if ...
1. You haven't heard your actual name the entire day, but you've been beckoned relentlessly.
2. You've ever sang The Wheels on The Bus with the same enthusiasm you once sang I Will Survive.
3.Lying is always an option as in ... "I'm sorry, the game store is closed on Sunday." "I love the outfit you put together yourself." "Yes, you do sound like Beyonce when you sing." and "No, they don't give ketchup at the drive-thru."
4. You have a stain on your clothing that you would have to taste to place. What is that latte or spit up? One sec… Hmmm... Oh, it's spit up.
A whole decade has passed. Where did it go? An amazing husband, multiple careers, a recession, two incredible children, and the blink of an eye later, I'm 40. There are many subtle yet life-changing differences a decade makes, which is why in my attempt to embrace existence (numberically speaking), I wrote this list. (This may not be as sentimental as its predecessor, but hey, I'm a humor columnist.)
Here's the progression of pretty much every Take Your Child to Work Day:
1. Wake up brimming with excitement to see the magical things you or your spouse does.
2. Watch the magic happen for like 10 minutes, when they realize your job is boring as shit and they vow to NEVER grow up -- and if they must, they will do something exciting like race cars or be famous. (*If you're already famous, they'll think your job sucks too and vow to be something totally amazing like the check-out person at the grocery store who gets to swipe things over the cool scanner.)
3. Spin in your office chair for 30-60 minutes because that's awesome and clearly the real magic of your job. They will then question why you don't spend more time spinning and make a mental note that you'd probably do better in your job if you spun more.
"High five for mommy! 104! I haven't weighed that since I saw Pearl Jam," exclaimed the svelte adorable mom to her toddler who cheered along from her perch in the supermarket cart. I stood behind her waiting to weigh myself and watched her triumphant moment, which may have caused me to throw up in my mouth. Did I really witness that? Are we not more evolved? I found the scene so upsetting on so many levels. Was it the fact that this fit little chick weighed 104, a number I haven't seen since since I saw The Bangles? Or the awareness that this little girl was receiving a message that could change or define how she sees herself in years to come?
Of course, this immediately led me to that introspective place all moms go: