Period Problems? Duh, Just Glue Your Vagina Shut! (Says Man)

woman period cramps
istock/Marjan_Apostolovic
If you're in the market for a new product to help you through that time of the month, here's one you might want to skip: Mensez, the labia glue one Nebraska chiropractor promises will seal up your vagina during your period, loosening only when you urinate so the backed-up menstrual blood can drain out into the toilet. While you're busy gathering your jaw up off the floor, just wait ... it gets worse. 

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In a post on Facebook (removed since Mensez -- which is still apparently being developed -- began going viral), creator Dan Dopps defended his bloody awful idea by insulting menstruating folks for not coming up with it our damn selves:

Yes, I am a man and you as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn't. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.

Pardon us, but we're so busy having our heads played with that we must have missed the time we decided we hated pads and tampons so much that we asked some random dude who has never had a visit from Aunt Flo to create vagina glue.

mensez
Mensez Feminine Lip-Stick

More from CafeMom: Our Periods Cost Us Too Damn Much -- & This Woman Wants to Change That

Oh wait ... that didn't happen. 

Because tampons and pads — while not perfect — actually work pretty darn well. Used by an estimated 42 percent of American women, tampons absorb blood, they're easy to use, and they even allow you to swim. Pads -- which are used by 62 percent of women (some women use both, accounting for the number higher than 100) -- absorb blood and are easy to use, and they're an option for the menstruating types who aren't up for tampons. 

Millions of women use them every 28 days or so without thinking, "If only I had some glue to trap the blood in my vagina until I pee and my urine leaks down from my urethra, unseals the labia and presto, change-o, I'm freed of all that mess ... or at least the amount of blood that's backed up since the last time I went pee and glued myself together."

More from CafeMom: 16 Women Share the Bittersweet True Stories of Their 'First Period'

And if they're not so happy with the old standbys, the market is glut with other options. The Diva Cup. Thinx undies. Heck, you can even call up your ob-gyn and discuss birth control options that will diminish or even put an end to your period. 

In other words: We're not helpless, distracted beings waiting for some white knight with a glue stick to save us from our anatomy. We've been doing just fine on our own with options that address the legitimate needs of menstruation. 

But don't take our word for it. Ob-gyn Dr. Jen Gunter points out in a scathing take-down of Mensez that any glue that would be dissolved by urine would just as easily be dissolved by sweat and other bodily fluids, and the glue would likely cause abrasions to the labia, along with other complications. 

If only we had other solutions to avoid all that ... 

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