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14 Voicemail 'Transcription Fails' That Should Get These Smartphones in Trouble

NewsPublished Feb 10, 2017
By Liz Alterman
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Who doesn't love a funny autocorrect mishap? Well, now there's a new "fail" in town and it's every bit as hilarious as those random word substitutions we've encountered while texting. This one is courtesy of your smartphone's voicemail transcription service -- which seems to wreak havoc on simple messages. We found some hilarious not-suitable-for-work transcriptions that shocked recipients have received and shared. 

Take a look at some of the craziest things the automatic "transcriber" thinks it heard. If these don't make you enunciate next time you leave a message, nothing will!

1/14

Time to Find a New Salon?

This appointment sounds like so much more than just a cut and highlights. It could be time to find a new place -- or bring a bodyguard instead of items for the food bank. Or, of course, simply laugh this one off with your stylist.

More from CafeMom: 11 WTF Items That Kids Ordered Online Without Telling Their Parents

2/14
Last Name Snafu-placeholder
Last Name Snafu
simunovich/Instagram

Last Name Snafu

Wow, that CVS pharmacy is straight up harsh on this lady. But as Stephanie points out, "#noonecanprouncemyname." We get the feeling she's probably heard that one before -- or worse.

3/14
Perhaps Don't Take Your Pet Here-placeholder
Perhaps Don't Take Your Pet Here
icameinlikearankinball/Instagram

Perhaps Don't Take Your Pet Here

First of all, the term "cannibal hospital" is definitely disconcerting, but then this caller goes on to talk about a lady with a banana. We don't want to hear any more!

More from CafeMom: 6 Must-Have Apps to Keep Your Kids Safe

4/14
Calling About a ...?-placeholder
Calling About a ...?
cuttlefishh/Shutterstock

Calling About a ...?

Wow, we knew banks were increasing their services to stay competitive but we didn't know they'd branched out into this terrain. They'd better be careful or they'll stumble upon a customer who's interested in taking them up on that!

5/14
Change Your What?-placeholder
Change Your What?
ltaeger/Instagram

Change Your What?

Oh, Verizon, we do not think this is what you meant to say at all! At least we hope not. Still, we can't help but wonder what "package" this customer has. 

More from CafeMom: 13 Apps That Make It Impossible for Your Kids to Be Sneaky Online

6/14
Skip This Surgery-placeholder
Skip This Surgery
EmProuty/Twitter

Skip This Surgery

"Apple get it together, my mom did not say this," Emily, the owner of this cell phone, wrote. This is probably not a transcription fail: "... you know he looks 12..." -- and that's what we want to know more about.

7/14

Is the Phone Racist?

Agent Jay quickly became Asian Jay thanks to this transcription fail. At least it provided the recipient with a good laugh, as the poster captions this "#cantstoplaughing."

More from CafeMom: 9 Wonderfully Embarrassing Autocorrect Fails from Moms

8/14
New Fed Ex Delivery Option-placeholder
New Fed Ex Delivery Option
scha_booya/Instagram

New Fed Ex Delivery Option

This caption is priceless: "I don't think FedEx was calling about shipping #farts...but the pranking possibilities would be endless!" So true.

9/14

Say What, Dad?

This reminds us a bit of when Alec Baldwin referred to his daughter as a "thoughtless little pig." Still, we have to imagine the transcription gods had their way with this dad's message because it seems like their relationship is solid.

10/14
Slut Dinner?-placeholder
Slut Dinner?
kelsgrassman/Instagram

Slut Dinner?

We love that the instructions call for Kelsey to stay hydrated for whatever it is that's about to happen to her. Fortunately, the caption says it all:  "I assure you this voicemail is not a reminder for 'slut dinner' but rather my appointment with Oxford Blood Center."

More from CafeMom: 13 Surprises Parents Have Found on Their Phones, Thanks to Their Kids

11/14

Just Checking In? Maybe?

You'd hope your little brother wouldn't leave you a message like this one -- especially not ahead of a women's march! We have a feeling big sis straightened this out right away!

12/14
What's in a Name?-placeholder
What's in a Name?
honkifyoulovecats/Instagram

What's in a Name?

Some people like to get really creative with their pet names, but something tells us this lady did not name her cat after a sex toy

More from CafeMom: 14 TV Shows Both You & Your Kids Will Want to Binge-Watch Together

13/14
That's Some Greeting!-placeholder
That's Some Greeting!
angeljanelll /Instagram

That's Some Greeting!

Wow, that's no way to approach Mom about a sleepover! Wonder if this kid got in trouble for this? We think not based on his mom's cool reaction: "Pretty sure that Tyver didn't swear at me at any point in this voicemail... lol thanks #voicemailtranscriptionfail."

14/14
Serious Consequences-placeholder
Serious Consequences
muur_or_less/Instagram

Serious Consequences

This has to be the most extreme reaction to a "loss of power" that we've ever heard about. Bet the school wishes it could rescind this transcription! Can't wait to hear/read the update.

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