This Shocking 'Children's' Book Is Not Safe for Preschool (VIDEO)

We just heard about a disturbing children's book called Do You Want to Play With My Balls? Think about it. Do you. Want to play with. MY BALLS. Who's balls?!? What kind of a sicko would write a book for children with that title?


It's not just the title. There's this line from the book: "Your balls are so big I can't even fit them in my mouth." And another bit about how when the narrator plays with "Sally" he ends up with "blue balls." The book explicitly says that "girls don't like hairy balls." (Which is true, but children don't need to know that balls eventually get hairy!) And don't even get me started on the bestiality reference. Disgusting.

A video of the book was posted on Facebook as a warning to parents, "PLEASE Make Sure That Your SCHOOL Isn't Using This BOOK!!" And then they added in parentheses, "Wow . . . They Are Really Trying To INDOCTRINATE Kids." Right? They so are! Wait -- indoctrinate kids about what, exactly?

Oh you guys, it's a JOKE. This is not a book published for children. It's a gag book, obviously, written by four guys known as the "Cifaldi Brothers" and published by "Bum Bum Books." (Make of that what you will.) It's like one of my favorite fake-children's books, Go the F**k to Sleep -- one of those satire books parents absolutely NEED to get through the experience of parenting.

More from The Stir: Samuel Jacks Tells Our Kids to Go the F**k to Sleep (VIDEOS)

Still, many people do not find it amusing. "I'm sorry that I don't find a 'adult' book humorous when they are using children to make sexual references," a commenter says. "If you think this was so funny, you are just as brainwashed and sick." That one got 115 likes, so she's not alone.

But come on. I agree it's kind of sick humor. But it's a crack-up. And you know what? It's not just about bad puns and sexual innuendo. I think it's also making fun of how banal and freakin' boring so many children's books are. What would I rather be thinking about than Suzy's visit to the farmer's market? BALLS, that's what. Thank you, inappropriate children's book.

Here's some more titles I'd like to see in print.

The Doctor Will See You Now ... In Your Nightmares!

The Little Boy Who Wouldn't Pee in the Right Place & Was Denied M&Ms Forever

FYI: The Cat Hates You

Honey It's Not You! Your Teacher Really Is an Uptight Witch

Your Toys Come Alive at Night & Commit Acts of Insider Trading & Embezzlement

No One Likes a Crybaby So Cut It Out Now

We Ate All the Ice Cream While You Were at Daycare

Funny Sounds From Mommy & Daddy's Room & Other Poems

Little Kyle & the 23 Things He Picked Up Off the Floor & Ate


Image via Bum Bum Books

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