20 Things That Are Satanic & Require an Exorcism According to Church's Chief Exorcist

exorcismAw darn it, I went and did yoga this morning and now I have to get exorcised! That's according to the Vatican's chief exorcist, who has spoken out to condemn Things Which Are Satanic. You'll never guess what else is on his list -- or mabye you will?

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Father Cesare Truqui tells The Independent (UK) that reports of demonic possession are on the rise. What's behind this scourge? Yoga, fantasy novels, and movies and TV shows that glorify "demonic" creatures like vampires and child wizards. When you open your chakras you open the portal of your soul and let Beelzebub walk right in!

But wait, there's more. Evidence of existential evil lurks everywhere in society, claims Monsignor Luigi Negri, archbishop of Ferrara-Comacchio. "There's homosexual marriage, homosexual adoption, IVF [in vitro fertilization] and a host of other things. There's the clamorous appearance of the negation of man as defined by the Bible."

Okay, this list of Things Which Are Satanic is getting awfully long. If these guys are right, these are the (fun, awesome, amazing) things we should be avoiding.

1. Harry Potter books and movies

2. Twilight Saga everything

3. True Blood

4. Vampire Diaries

5. Glee

6. Gay marriage

7. Ellen

8. Neil Patrick Harris and his beautiful family

9. All IVF babies

10. Walking into a fertility clinic

More from The Stir: Woman's Terrifying Exorcism May Change Your Mind About Possession

11. Hot yoga

12. Count Chocula cereal

13. The Count on Sesame Street

14. FKA Twigs, known consort of the infamous vampire, Robert Pattinson

15. So many priests, so very many of them

16. GMO foods

17. Ian Somerhalder

18. Legend of Zelda

19. All of the vinyasas

20. Yoga pants

Hmm, it's an incomplete list but I think you get the idea. I'm sure cutting all of these things out of your life won't be too disruptive or anything. No big deal! Enjoy your summer.

Do you believe in demonic possession, or do you think it's bunk?

 

Image via Giambra/Shutterstock

 

 

 

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