Mom Says She Knows Secret Ingredient of Energy Drinks -- SATAN! (VIDEO)

Oh Lord. Someone please hand this lady a tin foil hat, because she's obviously in desperate need of one. This crazy person masquerading as a concerned Christian mom has set up a display at some event somewhere to spread the word that Monster Beverage Corporation is in bed with the devil and selling his juice to unsuspecting consumers.

The energy drinks as Satan's soda isn't a new hoax, but dang, this girl has done her research, and she is absolutely convinced that Monster energy drinks will steal your soul. She has made it her job to save the world's good Christian people from unknowingly sipping their souls away, one disgustingly over-sweetened, caffeine-laced swallow at a time.

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Take, for example, that the "M" presumably carved into each can by monster claws is actually Hebrew for 666, so this is obviously the work of the devil. Except she forgot that she doesn't know a lick of Hebrew other than what she Googled, and she seems to have forgotten to research what a Hebrew 666 actually looks like, because it does not look like that M.

But her "interest" is really in the word "monster" itself. She smugly asks an innocent bystander what they see in the O. She says, "That's right, there's a cross," as she nods in the most self-satisfied way since Geraldo did before he opened that safe.

"What has Christ got to do with an energy drink?" she demands. She discovered that it couldn't possibly be a Christian company though because of the "BFC" (Big F--king Can) on the bottom of the can.

"That's the F word," she says. "In fact, they write it on the side of the can, so I know that's the F word. Now, do ya know what a MILF is?"

This must be seen to be believed, people. She is so self-righteous, so completely and utterly convinced that Monster energy drinks are "unleashing the beast" talked about in Revelation in the Bible, that she has made it her mission to rid the world of the stuff.

"Bottoms up and the devil laughs," she declares.

Oh honey, we are all laughing.

What do you think of this woman's theory?

 

Image via Dawn Ashley/Flickr

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