'American Horror Story' Has Angered the Real Clowns & Now We're All Scared

clown group mad American Horror Story

Guys, I don’t want to worry you, but the clowns are pissed. Apparently there is an official association of professional clowns called Clowns of America International — they are the nation’s biggest clown club, so don’t bother seeking the opinions of any lesser clown clubs because we are hearing from the very best — and they’re upset with American Horror Story: Freak Show for “sensationalizing” the norm. The norm being CLOWNS, I guess.


According to Glenn Kohlberger, clown club president (best business card ever? Best business card ever):

Hollywood makes money sensationalizing the norm. They can take any situation no matter how good or pure and turn it into a nightmare.

Right? Goddamned Hollywood. They can take something totally innocent and not remotely scary, such as a clown, and transform it into something unpleasant using millions of dollars of special effects. It’s not like clowns are naturally frightening. Just look at this clown doll, untouched by Hollywood — isn’t it just the picture of charm?

I wouldn’t hesitate to sleep with that thing resting gently on my pillow mere inches from my face, would you?

Kohlberger, who goes by the clown stage name of Clyde D. Scope, is passionately opposed to characters like American Horror Story’s Twisty. He says,

We do not support in any way, shape or form any medium that sensationalizes or adds to coulrophobia or 'clown fear.’

I agree! It’s the MEDIA that makes clowns scary. Sure, there was that guy named John Wayne Gacy who was arrested in 1978 for killing and raping dozens of young boys, but I doubt he contributed to the negative clown associations. Let us momentarily bask in his cheery expression:

Ahhhhh. So nice.

There’s a husband and wife team who have been dressing up like a clown in California for the express purpose of disturbing random passersby, but I’m with the clown association: why do so many people have a problem with clowns? They’re sweet, amusing, cuddly, and they always have been. THEY ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

Whose side are you on, anyway? Are you with the clowns? Because I might need to blast you with a spritzer of water.

Image via FX, alyssafilmmaker/Flickr, Biography.com, dbnunley/Flickr

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