Woman Named Crystal Metheny Arrested for the Unbelievable (Hint: Not Drugs)

crystal methenyOur names speak for us without us even saying a word. Think about my name ... Michele. Maybe you know a Michele or Michelle (chances are you do since the name was quite popular we won't say how many years ago). Maybe you love this Michele you know. Maybe you dislike her with the force of a thousand suns. You have an opinion on the name Michele without even knowing all the Micheles in the world. The names we are given shape us in some ways. First and last names.

You may have a feeling about the name Crystal. It's a lovely name. But when paired with the last name Metheny, we can't help but wonder what in the world were her parents thinking. And then we're not really shocked to hear that Crystal Metheny was arrested in Florida for guess what?


No, not drugs. Not crystal meth. And thank goodness, otherwise it would be too much to handle. Thirty-seven year-old Crystal Metheny was arrested for shooting a "missile" at a car while people were in it. And yes, that is her real name. Technically this missile was assumed to be some sort of firecracker and it was Cinco de Mayo, so maybe she had one too many celebratory margaritas. Either way, she got in trouble with the police for it.

I suppose if I assaulted someone with a zipper, it would make the news, too. Michele Zipp assaults woman who cut her in the dressing room line with a zipper from dress she was waiting to try on. Zipp. Zipper. Eh, not as funny.

Joe Blow was arrested for doing cocaine ... now that would be funny not funny.

I don't want to make fun of Crystal's name ... it's not her fault, her parents gave it to her. But it kind of seals the deal from the beginning that the chances were slim for her to go on to become a nun or a schoolteacher or a drug counselor.

What do you think of this story? What about that name?

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