So there's this whole thingie buzzing today about the Facebook IPO. Translation: Facebook goes public. Translation: Now you can buy Facebook stock. You've heard the chatter about how it's the biggest social media news and the most lucrative tech deal like maybe ever. Everybody is thrilled. La di da. Whoop di do.

Except, honestly, I'm having a hard time caring. And I'm guessing many of you are too.

If you just can't get excited about Facebook now being owned by shareholders -- or don't really know what that means -- and you are even less jazzed about Mark Zuckerberg becoming richer and more annoying than he already was (wait, who's Mark Zuckerberg again?), you aren't alone. In fact, my suggestion would be to embrace your Facebook IPO apathy and embrace it tightly.

Read on for 5 very good reasons not to care a hoot about Facebook going public.

The intent is admirable -- to crack down on cyber bullying that has become rampant among children. However, the means one principal is taking is more than extreme as she's threatening to expel any child under the age of 13 who has a Facebook account.

According to a story in The Sydney Morning Herald, Leonie Hultgren, the principal of Harlaxton State School in Toowoomba, Queensland, isn't just talking about children who use Facebook during school hours, or those who have been accused of using it maliciously, but rather ANY student that has an account that's not 13. She says those are the rules of the site, and for good reason. She believes children younger than that aren't mature enough to handle the responsibility of it, and she for one isn't going to tolerate it.

Never mind what those people called parents at home think. She's reaching beyond the school doors and into people's homes to dictate what they can and can't do. What a slippery slope that is.

You know that saying "time marches on"? Well I wish it would stop. Now. I have just been informed that cyber-bullying, that scourge of the Internet, has stretched into the kindergarten set.

Kids as young as 6 years old are being bullied online. Six! My kid is 6, and she can't even tie her shoes yet (I know, I know, we are working on it). And now I have to worry about somebody stealing her self-esteem?

Now I know what you're thinking.

If you had to give up the internet for a day, could you do it? How about a week? A month? A whole freakin’ year? (Please note that I’m asking this hypothetically, knowing full well that I can’t even half figure out where I am or what time of day it is without hopping on Google, so I know I couldn’t do any of the above. Maybe a day, if a really good Titanic-length movie or marathon of some favorite show was on. But then I always want to learn more about something and head straight to the web, so never mind.)

Anyway, you and I don’t have to do it. The ever-so-brave Paul Miller, a technology blogger and senior editor at tech news site The Verge, officially gave up the internet for a year starting at midnight yesterday, so we can just shudder vicariously through his re-acclimation to actually having conversations on the phone (ack!) and letting his fingers do the walking (le sigh). 

Old ladies can be so funny. Like how they don't know what computers are or how the Internet works. Or what sex is. Okay, they know that last one. Of course they do. How do you think you got here? But put them all together into one titillating mix -- a computer, the Internet, and sex -- and grandma busts out with some pretty interesting observations. Especially if you throw a Brazilianed Kim Kardashian and her as-well-endowed-as-Harvard porn tape co-star, Ray J, into the mix.

Yep, someone went there. Someone filmed three sweet old ladies watching the Kardashian sex tape. Then he uploaded it to YouTube. Oh ... my ... goodness. The results do not disappoint.

For most of the past month, my wife has been reading her Nook in our newborn baby's room, squinting at the e-ink screen in the near darkness. Luckily, something just came along that is going to make her life - and a lot of mommies' lives - better: the Nook Simple Touch with GlowLight.

The Simple Touch has the same screen as the Nook and the entry-level Kindle models. But when you hold down a button, the screen lights up with a bright white glow. The backlit screen is easily readable in the dark and the black text on white background is easier on the eyes than a bright tablet screen.

You know what the Internet has ruined? Besides our attention spans, love lives, and the ability to communicate? Naked pictures. I'm sure there are those out there who would beg to differ (dirty birds), but I know there are others -- I.E. celebrities and regular ol' folk who are just trying to snap some steamy photos -- who would surely agree. Like, take this guy, Ravshan ''Ronnie'' Usmanov, for instance. Dude just can't handle naked photos and the Internet. In fact, he can't handle it so much that he went as far as to publish a whole mess of nude photos of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. Way to ruin it for the rest of us, buddy! But don't worry, this story has a happy ending. Usmanov got in a crap-ton of trouble.

Just the other day I came to the conclusion that Facebook is evil. It all started when I ran into an old acquaintance I haven't seen in a while. She started telling me about her new long distance boyfriend, that pesky wisdom tooth that she got pulled, and the fact that she recently rescued a kitten from an animal shelter.

As she was blabbing on about her life, I realized something. Wait a second, I already know all of this. Why do I know all these random facts about someone I don't even really know? And then it hit me ... this was my first real-life encounter with an obnoxious Facebooker.

Not sure if you know an obnoxious Facebooker? (Or even worse, if you are an obnoxious Facebooker?) Well, I'm going to help you figure that out.