All right. I guess I'd better just go ahead and put this out there. My son is 7 years old, and on occasion, I still carry him. Yes, I'm aware that he's nearing the end of first grade and is perfectly capable of walking on his own. And yes, I know he's probably way too big to be carried, being that he weighs close to 50 pounds.

But even though he's too old, too heavy, and way too independent for me to cart him around in my arms like a baby -- I still do it.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I'm raising my very own Suri Cruise -- and I dig it.

There was a time, not all that long ago, when I couldn't imagine happily spending a single night without my children. When I would cry over the thought of a missed bedtime story or morning without seeing their sleepy little faces. When the notion of a bed to myself seemed lonelier than it did luxurious.

That was then.

These days, I've gotten more accustomed to leaving my kids every now and then, and every trip I take, it gets a little easier. But every single time I leave, I suffer the same ailments ...

Do you know where the pedophiles are living in your neighborhood? What about your kids? Do you want them to know? What if you had no choice, because every sex offender in the neighborhood had a giant red sign planted in their front yard?

That's the new law in Bradford County, Florida, and I have to admit it sounds kind of ... awesome.

Hi, my name is Mary, and for whatever reason, I experience a major case of separation anxiety every time I have to leave my 7-year-old son for more than 24 hours or so.

I really don't know what my problem is, but the minute it's time for me to say goodbye to him and leave him for a few days -- I honestly start to miss him so much, it hurts. And considering I'm about to take off tomorrow night and go hang out with my college girlfriends for a long weekend, the panic in my gut is starting to set in.

Even though I'll probably be fine as soon as I arrive at my destination, it still makes me sick to my stomach simply thinking about leaving him.

When 10-year-old Peter Asumani's father slipped and fell on a wet floor in their Lincoln, Nebraska, home, he took care of him as best he could, giving him liquids and trying to keep him comfortable. For 10 days this went on, while the boy cared for him. All alone.

It wasn't until his school alerted authorities to the boy's absence that anyone knew what was going on. When an investigator arrived at the home, they found 45-year-old Bienvenu Asumani alive but unresponsive. He was taken the hospital Sunday where he later died.

It's heart wrenching to think of how much better this could have all ended if only the boy called 911, or asked a neighbor for help, or anything. But authorities don't believe he did. So of course, there's the big question -- why didn't he?

Another day, another kid running up an outrageous cellphone bill. This time, it's an 11-year-old who is costing dear old dad some $22,000! And parents, this one could happen to you ... even if you don't have a texter at home.

Ah, gotcha, didn't I? We've heard more than our fair share of stories about teens racking up mega bills by texting, but Matt Buie's tween wasn't sending messages to anyone. He was using data. And to make matters worse, he was using that data out of the country.

My son has a case of IDWS (I Don Wanna-gota Skools). You know that illness that causes you to try any tactic to avoid the dreaded S-word?

Just today, he told me that he couldn't go to school because his stomach hurt ... and his leg ... and his elbow ... and he may have had a nasty hang nail .... REALLY? This is what you're going with? The old stomach/leg/elbow ache? Listen kiddo, I invented the 'sick' ploy and frankly, I expected more from you. So much more.

Look kids, don't act like you're disappointed too. I've got your number and I'm pretty sure my kid isn't the only one relying on such amateur techniques. Which is why I decided (as a seasoned pro) to give you youngsters some sound advice so you can stop embarrassing yourselves and make us proud.

These tips will help you gain your parent's sympathy and maybe even regain their respect. Good luck:

All right, Moms, when do you think kids are old enough to use a public bathroom by themselves? Eight? Ten? Surely by 11 a child should be safe walking into a men's room alone, right? Tell that to the mom who found out a peeping tom was taking photos of her tween in a grocery store bathroom in Washington state.

I'm the last parent on Earth who thought she'd say this, but I'm now officially tempted to follow my daughter into the bathroom through high school. Maybe even college?