Do You Choose Your Child's Friends?

on March 9, 2010 at 10:00 AM

Sometimes moms hate their kid's friends. That's probably something we just have to learn to live with. But what if your distaste for the child is a little something more than just thinking he's a nerdlinger? What if you think he's bad news?

loraleechoate recently banned her sons from playing with a 10-year-old neighbor, "Randy," because she thought he might be a bad influence.

At first, she instituted a rule that the kids had to play at her house and forbade them from going to Randy's (she feared there was no parental supervision there). When Randy was at her house, he didn't want to leave when it was time, and it often turned into a big scene. Plus, Randy had a potty mouth.

Loralee says the final straw was when her son disobeyed her and went over to Randy's house where Randy showed him some pornography. Loralee banned Randy from her house and her kids' lives completely.

Loralee writes,"I realize this makes me seem pretty heartless and cruel about a kid. I guess you'd have to know him and me to really know for certain. I would love to be the character in the movie who sees past it all, who comes in and makes a difference in this kid's life, but it's just not something I am capable of right now. I am just trying to get my own family raised. We've tried to let him play at our house, but honestly, every instinct I have as a mom says to keep this kid away."

Have you ever forbidden your child from hanging around with another kid? What was the reason? How did you feel about ending their friendship? Under what circumstances would you forbid your kid from being friends with someone, if ever?

Do You Hate Your Kid's Friends?

About the author Suzanne Murray

is the Parenting & Political editor at The Stir/Moms Matter 2012.

Filed Under: friends

Comments (6)

SuperMomof3kids

on Mar 9, 2010 at 3:26 PM

I cant think of a time where I have banned my children from playing with another child, or being friends with another child. If I didnt feel as if there was any adult supervision I wouldnt allow play time to occur at that home, but children are at no fault of there own for how they are being raised. I would take the opportunity to talk to the other child about what is acceptable behavior in my home and in general, even though it isnt my child. I would also take the opportunity to talk to my own child about what is acceptable and what isnt, and how they should be acting or talking. I dont think it is right to just get rid of the child that is a bad influence, use that time to teach something new. You never know when you will be the positive influence the other child may need.

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cmommyrun

on Mar 12, 2010 at 11:51 PM

That is serious the pornography thing. I would tell the child's parents about that, they may be unaware. You could decide from there if the home is ok or call CPS to investigate. I have always let my kids pick their friends but if they didn't obey my house rules-no touching parrots for example-they would not be invited back. This is a safety issue as well as protection against lawsuits. I would let them visit at the other child's home with parent supervision though. One time a parent did not watch my kids while they were attending her son's birthday party swimming. They came home severely burnt(2 wks) so that ended their visiting there as they weren't supervised at all. I trust my kids because I raised them so that is why I let them pick and I do not judge. Its just all about safety with me.

babyboomer1977

on Mar 15, 2010 at 12:50 PM

After finding out that my son was having the wrong type of friends! My husband and i had a heart to heart talk with our 16yr old son! We suggested for him to step back and take a real look at the friends he has! We have also told him that if any of his friends get into any type of truoble! That he needs to come home ASAP! And thank god he is finaly listening to us!

on Mar 15, 2010 at 12:52 PM

I don't trust my sons friends!

on Mar 15, 2010 at 12:53 PM

My husband and i don't choose our sons friends! But we have told him to choose his friends next time wisely!

APeveteaux

on Mar 15, 2010 at 3:18 PM

I haven't banned any kids yet, but I've certainly wanted to. For some reason we took the tack of spending more time with a kid who was picking on our daughter. It helped in that we could all (the parents involved) figure out what was instigating the bad behavior and we discussed how to deal with the situation. But I wonder, why didn't we just not allow her to play with a mean kid? Sometimes I wonder if we don't get too involved in these issues when we should let them go.