Today's Girls Have Become Boys

on January 17, 2010 at 7:53 AM

interconnected gender symbols

An article in Australia's Courier News on the escalating violence among tween and teen girls makes this statement: Todays girls act exactly like boys.

The writer of the piece says that girls today are "such a long way from sugar and spice – a hundred years from ribbons and lace." He wishes "girls could be a little more Cate Blanchett and a little less Sigourney Weaver – a little more taste and little less terror."

Now, whether you think that's good, bad or indifferent, that's a different story. But you can't disagree that he's right. As a generality, girls don't act feminine anymore.

And not just because of the fighting. Swearing is not feminine, and all I need to do is go to our local pizza place aka teen hangout to discover that girls swear as much and use just as vulgar terms, as boys. Getting drunk and vomitting all over yourself is not feminine.
Convincing a boy to come into your bed because you're bored is not feminine. I don't like when boys do any of this stuff, either. My ideal man is Jimmy Stewart, so there you go.

This whole issue of gender roles and behaviors facinates me. Inevitably, someone always tries to bring up the issue of women's rights or sexual preferences. And in my view, girls acting feminine has absolutely NOTHING to do with any of those issues.

Call me old fashioned, but I want my daughter to be, well, a girl. That does not mean I want her to be meek and unequal. It just means I want her to use manners, not swear, not punch or hit, and not be promiscuous. I could care less if she does soccer or ballet, or prefers baseball shirts to frilly dresses. But I want her to know she's not being "a weak inferior female" for expecting her boyfriend to open the car door, nor that she's being prudish when she slams it on his hand for making an inappropriate move.

Okay so what I'm really saying is that I want her to grow up just like Laura Ingalls Wilder ... or even better! Jane Austen. Realistic? No, of course not, but I refuse to give in. I'm pulling out my "Anne of Green Gables" and "Little House" videos right now.

Does your daughter act more like a girl or a boy? Are you okay with that or do you believe young women should act with more propriety and femininity?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: behavior

Comments (15)

aurorabunny

on Jan 17, 2010 at 12:06 PM

The negative activities that you listed aren't things boys OR girls should be doing in my opinion.

There are so many ways you could think of where it would be POSITIVE that girls acted a little more like boys. I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I would want her to be a tough, strong, and confidant person. If that made her less feminine that wouldn't bother me one bit.

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RanaAurora

on Jan 17, 2010 at 2:53 PM

Aurorabunny saved me a lot of typing.

tash11

on Jan 17, 2010 at 3:24 PM

I also agree withaurorabunny.

toriandgrace

on Jan 17, 2010 at 5:56 PM

"I want her to use manners, not swear, not punch or hit, and not be promiscuous."

Sounds exactly how I'd like my (future) boys to act too.

Emmy_Dollface

on Jan 17, 2010 at 7:21 PM

My DD is only 2 but acts more like a boy than a girl at this point. She is rough and loud and I love it! She is also caring, kind and a great "Mommy" to her babies. I fully expect her to hold her own with boys...I had to growing up as one of the only girls in a sea of boy cousins (the boys outnumbered us 12 to 3!) I prefer that she has manners and that she keeps it in her pants until she is 40 (kidding!), but I will also want that of any sons I have. I won't hold one gender to any standard that I wouldn't hold the other to.

RunninRagged64

on Jan 17, 2010 at 8:31 PM

Agreed with everyone who has already commented.

NooYawka

on Jan 18, 2010 at 12:41 PM

But there ARE differences between boys and girls and it is not "taught" or a product of one's environment (the old "nature/nurture" debate...flashback to the 70s when this was paraded out; give a boy a doll and a girl a gun and they'll just morph into each other. Um, no. Disproven over and over again). There are gender-specific traits that are being purposefully squashed by media, society, etc. and that's not good. What they'll tell you is word-confusion: You want girls to be "meek", not "powerful"? That's not true at all. What we want is our girls to be powerful....in the way a female is meant to be powerful. And that's different from how a male is meant to be powerful.

Don't get caught up in the vocabulary-confusion; there are differences in males and females and they are to be encouraged, delighted in and celebrated. This is how humans become fully actualized and integrated. And psychologically whole. Take a look at depression levels and suicide rates these days and tell me there's nothing wrong with people's sense of well-being. It's being undermined; Cafe Cynthia is exactly right.

young_mama04

on Jan 20, 2010 at 12:14 PM

I have to agree with every one's posts so far and the OP (but hey, I guess that's cause I;m a HUGE Jane Austin fan) lol And with that, I think Jane and her characters are what a women should be and that I strive to be and hope my DD will be some day (the chances of that are slim cause things are A LOT different now and both my DD and I are big tom boys lol--can't help it growing up with my mother and sister in law as the only women in my life --maybe a few girl-friends along the way lol). Both her and her characters are strong, independent women that wanted a purpose. They were never "meek" by any means and were just as capable of doing what the men could do. However, they were ladies. But I do have to agree that it goes both ways and it's hard to have one without the other. Boys now a days are taught that there are feminazis everywhere and to generally not care. They aren't thinking of opening doors when the girl has to hands and feet to do it herself, or to treat a girl or women that cares about you with respect and dignity (mind you that's not ALL men, as well as this doesn't describe all women). SO it's kind of hard to hold one accountable and not the other. I'm sure that if the kids in general now a days didn't see sex as so popular and "not a big deal" and were told men should respect women AND women should respect men, and that to be a gentlemen and a lady are not just 19th cent. views things would be a lot different.

cschmand

on Feb 6, 2010 at 1:20 PM

Funny, I just had this conversation, or parts of it, with my tween daughter last night. I found out, through her chats and texts, that she is swearing and talking about boyfriends. Now I know that this is all inevitable, and I'm not blind to it. But she has been so good about talking with me and doing really well in school up until the last month or so. Even her favorite teacher, who adores her, has noticed the changes, they are that drastic. My daughter can hold her own, she has been bullied before and has learned to stick up for herself, and I am proud of her for that. I don't condone her hitting or being violent, just standing her ground and showing no fear. Also, she has always had more friends that are boys than girls because she has always hated the "drama". She said she isn't interested in having a boyfriend, but she enjoys having friends that are boys. They confide in her, she has become their best friend. Which is fine. So she has gone from honor roll to failing two of her classes, and has yet to bring home her progress report. She isn't bringing home any homework anymore either. Any help for this would be great.