My Son Smoked Pot -- Life With 3 Teens

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christmas day family portrait

Photo by RAZmom88'

It's hard enough raising one teen -- but three?! Welcome to RAZmom88's wild and wonderful life. Each Thursday she shares what drama or joy she encountered this week.

A Shocking Confession

We had a wonderful Christmas with family, food and lots of gifts. Everyone seemed very pleased  with what Santa brought them. With all these teens home there is never quiet, and the laundry never stops....

But just when you think you did an okay job raising your kids they do something to make you question your parenting.

If you remember back a few weeks, I shared that we were thinking of allowing Zack, 15, to spend the night with his older brother Ryan, 18, in his dorm at college. The whole trip was about Zack going to see a football game. Well, everything seemed to go well. They had a good time and everyone returned home for Thanksgiving safe and sound. 

Ryan and his friend James are here for winter break and the discussion came up about how much they have been drinking while at school. I was not happy to hear about the drinking, but I was never so naive to believe that there wasn't some partying going on. The information that I got from this discussion that startled me wasn't even about the drinking. Zack did not drink even though Ryan and his friends were.

He smoked pot.

Ryan talked a hundred miles an hour with a million excuses. He said he was already sleeping when it happened, and he didn't even know about it until later. I am so upset about it, I just can't believe they couldn't be trusted. I am upset with myself for letting Zack go,  I am upset with Ryan for not being more responsible, and I am disappointed with Zack for making such a bad choice. Zack will never be allowed to spend the night with his brother again, or at least for a very long time.

Can I Still Go to the Party, Mom? 

After all that, they have the guts to ask if Zack can go with them to a New Year's Eve party 45 miles away. No, Zack will be locked in the church for the all-nighter just like the previous four years. I asked Ryan not to go either, not just because I am worried about him drinking and driving but because I am concerned about others who will be on the road.   As of right now, the plan is for all of them to spend New Year's Eve at the church.

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How did you react the first time you learned your son or daughter drank alcohol or smoked pot? What would your reaction be if you learned of it?

 

Previous journals:

Laptops and Lung Cancer

Too Young for Love?

Abusive Homes, Faith

Shopping and Sleeping Arrangements

Sports and Vampires

Fighting Siblings

Competing Brothers

Teen Drinking?

Meet the Kids

drugs & alcohol, life with 3 teens

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Jenny... Jennymomma3

Well, honestly I would be disappointed but I would not be surprised.  I drank and smoked pot as a kid, as did a lot of us who are parents now.  It had nothing to do with how I was raised, my grandma and aunt did a good job of raising me I think.  Its just the things I did as a teenager. Like I said I would be very disapointed and they would probably be punished but again,  would not be surprised.

Peajewel Peajewel

I never caught my son doing things like that.  He was pretty good.  The first time he drank was in my house last New Year's Eve and he was 20.  He drinks now but nothing major and he is now 21!  As far as pot goes, I never busted him doing anything like that or any other drugs.  If he did try them, I never knew but I really believe he did not.

Peajewel Peajewel

By the way, hang in there and just because he tried it does not mean he will be some crazy pot head.  Talk to him and keep communication open.  As hard as it is try to trust him again and don't just shut him down.  I don't envy your situation. 

Sunny... Sunnyspot1118

I would be more concerned with alcohol than pot. Alcohol impairs you much more and pot although not a good choice you can control yourself but things can get crazy with drinking. They only think I would be concerned with is if he starts doing it regularly as that can limit his motivation and can become metally addictive. Alcohol has wayy more negatives in my book from physical addiction, abuse, violence, no control over mind or body, etc.

auror... aurorabunny

Meh, wouldn't really bother me.  Like others said I would be A LOT more upset over alcohol.

BaisMom BaisMom

I really think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.


Kids are going to experiment. You found out about it, expressed how you felt about it etc Baracading your kids inside the church isn't going to keep them from smoking pot or doing anything else. What you really need to do is show them love and support and tell them that you are disappointed in their choices but that everyone makes mistakes and that you have faith that they will be smarter the next time around. Keeping him from his brother and trying to control his whereabouts is only going to make things worse for you all.

Angie... Angiebooboo

i think they will all try , my daughter , tells me after she moved out and had her first child that yes she has smoked pot when she was with her friends , i said how you were always home , she smoked it on her way to night school , well just to let you know she tryed it and did not like it , today she says mom you did a nice job with me , and i did , but i have 5 more after her so , 17 , 16 ,15 , 10, and  3 year old , oh lord how am i going to keep up with them , i wll and love it too!!!!!! 

1busy... 1busymommy

You would be surprised at what happens at those church functions.  I have been to a lot when I was younger, and decided to stop going because it was a lot of kids that brought alcohol, and pot!  So I dont think its surprising that he tried it... at least you found out.  I think its best to trust him and talk to him about it.  It happens a lot, and if my parents had talked to me about it, I prob wouldnt have done it as much.  My parents were soo naive about what I was doing.  When I was younger, my first time was at my older sisters house with college kids over.  It happens, but dont think it wont happen at a church lock-in.  I know plenty of people where that is the first place they tried pot.  I truly think the best thing for a parent to do, is just talk to your kids and keep an open line of communication.  It is really good that you know about it, but dont use the information to shelter yourself from him, I would use it to open that communication and trust him. 


On another note, If I knew about it too, my daughter would probably be grounded from anything, and then I would talk to her about it and make sure she was to know that I cannot control the fact, but only hope she makes right decisions from the way I raise her.  Hope it all goes well :)  And I know it is not the best time to find out about something like that, and no time is.

mrsfl... mrsflorea

My little man isn't due until March 2, but I don't know that I'd freak out if I found out he was drinking or smoked pot. Kids need to experience the teen years for themselves (within reason). My parents divorced when I was 13, and I went to live with my mom and stepdad when I was 14. They knew I drank and smoked pot (both very occasionally) starting when I was 15, and they thought it was just a teenage phase thing. The drinking never became a regular thing, but the pot was nearly a daily thing. When I was 16, they put me in an outpatient rehab facility. Everyone in my twice-weekly group (along with the counselors) were having a hard time believing that my folks put me in rehab for pot, and I still have a hard time believing it, but it's been so long, it's almost laughable. I say laughable because both my parents and my stepdad are big time potheads. I didn't find this out until after I moved out of the house when I was 18. When I was in my 20's, there were several occasions when they asked me to "hook them up" cuz I guess we were cool like that. I don't resent the 6 months I went to rehab, or hooking my folks up, but it still kind of baffles me. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I know being a parent allows you to be hypocritical to a certain point, but I think my situation was a little overboard on their part.

mrsfl... mrsflorea

Also, I have to agree with BaisMom - using his honesty to punish him and keep him away from his brothers will only make them all be resentful. I would be extremely grateful that he was HONEST with you about what happened, a million excuses or not. He knew you would be disappointed, and didn't want you to get mad at him or his brothers - hence the million excuses. Of course he knows you're not happy, you're disappointed and hurt and now you will be overprotective of his time away from you. I think this will cause a secrecy issue - he will do things behind your back, and when you confront him about it, he'll lie or clam up. We were all teens once, and whether or not we smoked pot, or drank, or whatever, we all did things we didn't want our parents to know about - not just to protect ourselves, but to protect them too. I'm glad that you and your son have good communication - that's more than most people can say about the relationship they had with their parents as a teen. Use that to your advantage - he loves you and doesn't want to disappoint you, but he will have a hard time being honest with you if your response is to keep him away from his brothers or lock him in at a church function.

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