Abusive Homes, Faith -- Life With 3 Teens

5
three teens

Photo by RAZmom88

It's hard enough raising one teen -- but three?! Welcome to RAZmom88's wild and wonderful life. Check back every Thursday to find out what drama or joy she encountered this week.

A Difficult Childhood

Since it was a bit of an uneventful week, I thought I'd share a few of the reasons my husband and I parent the way we do, so you can get to know my kids and I a little better.

We believe our children are gifts from God, and raising them is the most important thing to us.

My husband has neurofibromitosis, a genetic disorder of the nervous system that affects the development and growth of neural (nerve) cell tissues. He was told as a child that he wouldn't live to adulthood. When he reached his teen years, he was told not to have children because the disease is hereditary and with each pregnancy there was a 50 percent chance of passing the disease on. 

So he feels truly blessed to have a family at all but overjoyed to have three completely healthy children. He wasn't close to his own father as a child, can't even remember hearing his dad every saying that he loved him. The man was verbally abusive, and my husband wanted his children to know how much they were loved. He tells them he loves them every day.

My own family was poor. I was made fun of as child. I was also overweight as a teenager. The other kids teased me, while my mother said I should be grateful for being alive.

A Softer Parenting Approach

Because both my husband and I come from abusive homes, we spent years in counseling trying to learn how to deal with our pain. We learned the hard way that spare the rod, spoil the child does not work. We choose to parent by love. Despite our hard childhoods, our parents loved us and they are wonderful grandparents to our children.  Without them we wouldn't be the people and parents we are today.

Our children are allowed to talk to us about anything, as long as they are respectful. We allow them to make decisions for themselves with our guidance. We are also very open with them,  when we mess up we talk to them, we say we are sorry. They know about our lives as children. I want to know what they like, dislike, there dreams and hopes. I feel that it is important that they are able to express themselves to us.

The Power of Faith

My husband and I are Christians, and it is very important that our children have a relationship with Jesus. But unlike our parents, we don't force it on them. You can't make anyone believe, they need to make their own choice. They have to follow their own heart.

We have very few rules,  we consider it more a way of life. You keep your house clean, not because it's a rule but that it is the right thing to do. You treat others the way you want to be treated.

I don't know if our way is the right way, but so far it is working for us. Ryan is the first person in our family to go to college. We have two kids over 18, and we are not grandparents yet and most important, even without rules they choose to do the right thing most of the time. They make mistakes and sometimes do crazy things, but they know they are loved unconditionally. They are responsible, loving young people of whom I'm proud to be their mom.

++++

What holiday traditions do you involve your teens in? Do they resist -- or is it as fun and special for them as it is for you?

 

Previous journals:

Shopping and Sleeping Arrangements

Sports and Vampires

Fighting Siblings

Competing Brothers

Teen Drinking?

Meet the Kids

life with 3 teens, teens

5 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

MomIWant MomIWant

Razmom I know I have told you before - but I really enjoy your blog!  While we have complete opposite past, we share so much in parenting philosophy.  IMO to overcome, accept and intentionally change the path of abuse is an enormous accomplishment inandofitselff, adding your entire loving family - WOW, just WOW!  My personal definition of success has always been happiness, loving & family....YOU are quite the success!

6in5y... 6in5years

     Not only are you a wonderful Mother but you are the most amazing sister a woman could have.  I am very blessed to have you in my life.  I am very proud of you & Bryan & of your children. ♥


     As the "first" child that you had a hand in raising I would like to say that I always knew that you would be a fantastic Mom.  You have been a role model for me and the way that I want to raise my children.  You have been my Mother, my protector, my counselor, my best friend, and my sister.  I want to thank you for everything that you are to me.


     We have been through so much in our short lives and I don't think we would be where we are if we did not have each other.  I know for sure that I would not have made it to where I am without you !

RAZmom88 RAZmom88

I want to thank you ladies for your support and nice comments.


Vickie, I love you and your family more then I could ever put into words..  You have been there for me through so much, and having you to love and you love me has saved my life.

fabul... fabulousfam

I was very touched by this post!  It is how I believe children should be raised.  It hurts me that myhusband doesn't share the same views.  He is very hurtful at times.  I know that he loves our three boys but since the older two have been such handfulls(my husband wants to control every aspect of their lives and doesn't realize he can't) it's hard for him to have a relatonship with them.  I feel the only reason he has a relationship with our youngest is because our youngest is more laid back.  My husband is a good man just not very nice at times and it's hurtful.  Wish I had all the answers and could make everything peaches and cream.  Good to you both for working togther to raise your children in Love- 1st Corinthians 13!

Bearsjen Bearsjen

I never understood how abused people could then go on to repeat the cycle with their own kids. just makes no sense to me. But anyways, i love reading this blog, so much wisdom and I think you  yourself are even surprised by it sometimes...I think the proof that your parenting style is a good one is by what you said at the end, good kids, no one preg or gotten anyone so, and your family is filled with love. good for you. and to the poster who wanted answers to help hubby see his behavior is hurtful? try counseling together, get him there anyway you can. s ometimes men will listen to a third party. I told my SO either he agreed to go with me, or we had to go seperate ways as I wont have my kids grow up as I did, with a father who verbally abused me to the point of sickness, no way not my babies. he chose to go and things are much much better. ...good luck.

1-5 of 5 comments