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Yesterday I reported that most bullying surprisingly takes place in the classroom, lunchroom, and other supervised locations of the school.
A lot of us wonder why teachers and administrators just don't make it stop. So I asked CafeMom beanielips, a public high school teacher, who explains that it's not always as easy as it sounds.
I am not surprised at that result. There is a lot of bullying that happens in supervised locations at some schools. Some are worse than others. It is also important to know that what used to be thought of as "kids will be kids" is now classified as bullying. I am sure that it was just as bad when we were growing up, but it was not tolerated because it was not acceptable in the culture of the school.
What do you do personally to stop bullying?
While I do my best to diffuse the situations, I can only be in so many places at once. There are also times that when we try to stop the bullying, it only makes things worse once the victim is out of our sight. I am a fairly proactive teacher, but I know that there are teachers that look the other way. They each have their reasons, but I don't understand them.
Why not just punish the bully or complain to the kid's parents?
Schools do contact parents in an effort to stop the bullying. Without support from home, it is nearly impossible to set up enforceable rules. Many times the parent of the bully does not believe it is happening or thinks the kid that is being bullied is over-reacting.
Honestly, if parents would work with the schools and not against them, it would make it much easier. What happens is a culture is created when two or three kids "get away" with it. It is really hard to stop bullying when the schools are having to work against the students and the parents.
How can we moms help you?
Let your child know what bullying is and that you -- the parent -- won't tolerate it. We need a united front. This also means that when you are picking up your kid from school and you witness bullying, tell them to knock it off. Then tell the administration. Just like the gang rape after the homecoming dance at Richmond High School in California, we all need to do the right thing and not stand by when someone is being harassed/ bullied/injured. Granted, the parent of the bully might not be too happy, but is it right to let the innocent be harmed?
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Has a teacher or the school ever accused your child of being a bully? Did you take action against your child?
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Comments (7)
I actually posted a question myself about bullying in High School. I realize that without the parents involement it is almost impossible to get it stopped, but the schools dont take it seriously either. My 16 yr old daughter was bullied by a girl for years. Call me old school, but I didnt teach my dd that fixing a problem should be done by beating someone up, but that is what the school and police suggested she do, finally to get it to stop. Sorry I didnt teach my dd to be a rough, redneck, to pick fights. It wasnt her fault and yet this is how she was told to fix it. She is not the typical girl being bullied either. Attractive, popular in her groups, outgoing, and average a-b honor-roll. It started over a boy in 6th grade and has boomeranged into this mess over a girls mouth. At one point she was threatened to be jumped by 20 girls if she didnt stay home. Ahe has been afraid to walk down the halls, and the school would do nothing! Somthing has to be done!!!!
I agree, your daughter shouldn't have to put up with that! In my experience, when it looks like "nothing is being done" other than the obvious (someone is dropping the ball), there can be some reasons.
As parents are more insistant about their child's (the bully's) rights, they want hard fast proof. A lot of the time that just doesn't exist. It is the teacher's words against the student's word. You can guess what side the parent chooses.
Keep insisting that your daughter is protected and keep a log of the times she is bullied and threatened. Remind the schools that you HAVE informed them that this is a problem and if something does happen to your daughter they are liable if they have remained neutral. Also, request a meeting with the bully's parent and have an administrator present.
I hope that this all ends soon... it is NOT right that your daughter is being bullied.
My son just had his first experience of bullying. He's in kindergarten, and is VERY small for his age, so I expected it. Apparently a group of kids has been following him at recess... yesterday it was two, today it was three. Yes, just following, but VERY closely, even that he said they stepped on his heels a few times. WHen he asks them to stop, they ignore him, and giggle. Unfortunately, the way my son chose to react today when he was upset after he asked them repeatedly to stop was to hit and bite the other child. We had a long talk about what he SHOULD have done, and honestly, I'd be surprised if they do it again after what he did, but in case they do (or a similar situation presents itself), hopefully he'll choose a more constructive method to deal with it.
My point, though, was unless you actually talked to the kids to find out what happened, it looks like my son is a major bully ("He hit and bit me!") when what really happened was he lashed out BECAUSE he was being picked on.
I don't want the school to have to get involved, but I do hope that if he goes to them for help, they don't punish him for tattling. THat's the flip side of this, is often teachers tell kids to "deal" or not to "tattle." It's equally as damaging as the parent not believing the teacher.
RanaAurora
You have all valid points. You are definatly the kind of parent that I would like to talk with because you got to the bottom of the situation. You asked your son WHY he did it. I am always so suprised about the teachers that I hear tell kids to "deal" or not to "tattle". The only thing that I can figure is that they are trying to help kids figure out the difference, but that needs to be taught. Ignoring/not dealing with the problem doesn't teach kids how to solve their own problems. They may have already tried tosolve it and haven't had any luck. (I hope that makes sense).
I am in a different situation because I teach at a High School. As a result the kids that are being bullied VS those that lash out is more obvious.
I just want to add that I can truly understand kids being bullied by other kids.. But please dont forget that in (some) situations as in the case of my son he and other students were being bullied and mistreated by the adults in the School he attended.
I think what im trying to get across basically is that in (some) situations its the adults that allow it to happen and continue to allow it or do nothing...are just as guilty and almost put a light on it that bullying is okay... if it is not stopped then it must be a normal... WHICH WE ALL know is really really wrong..
My son was treated at the age of 8 for "school stress" and was put on a medical leave, we saught counseling, etc etc... but no matter WHO is doing the bullying it effects a child and yes a teenager for life.
We are now homeschooling but we still know its out there.and its sad.
i hate bullying. both my 5yr old and 13yr old have been suffering in scls, my son is now home-ed as his school failed miserably to implement their anti-bullying policy. some of the teacher's reflected bullying behaviour towards my son in front of me it was shocking! ive set up an online petition to help all kids, please sign and pass on thks!
<a href="http://gopetition.com/petitions/anti-bullying.html">Online petition - Ensure that the anti-bullying policy is fully implemented in all schools</a>
Hi,
I recently created a new anti bully program which schools are currently using with great success which may be of interest to everyone.
It can be viewed at my website..
http://www.wix.com/SpeakUpToYourTeacher/Order-page
Once at the site click on the (teacher) button then play the video to view the children from one school performing the song taken from the program. Additionally on the home page bottom right hand corner is a cartoon character with a large red X through him. If you click on him you will find my anti bully book for kids which i recently added. Future updates for the book will include adding audio to each page so every child no matter what age or ability can learn by just listening to the book.
Johnny