My Scooby-Doo Love-Hate Relationship

Scooby-Doo and the Weird Water ParkI grew up with Scooby-Doo and his wacky friends, and now my son (and my daughter by osmosis) is going through his own Scooby phase. He goes to library once a week, and the past three times he's carted home a Scooby book.

My kids love the stories. I like reading them because they teach about heroism, problem-solving, and the importance of friendship.

And now that I've given Scooby his props, let me tell you why he also makes this Mommy want to 'jack the Mystery Machine and drive it off a cliff:

1. The plot of every Scooby-Doo mystery is exactly the same. Take Scooby-Doo and the Weird Water Park and Scooby and the Alien Invaders, two recent ones we've read.


The basic chronology of each Scooby story:

  • Shaggy and Scooby want Scooby Snacks;
  • Shaggy and Scooby are afraid, but they will risk their life for Scooby snacks;
  • Costumed villains try to chase the kids away from their secret, which involves the gain of power, money, or natural resources;
  • Velma solves the mystery, because Fred and Daphne are just too good looking;
  • Shaggy and Scooby eat Scooby Snacks.

Just substitute Water Monsters for Aliens and a few miscellaneous details and it's the same story.

2. It's physically impossible to talk like Scooby Doo at 8:30 at night. As you know, Scooby speaks in a gruff yowl voice. I'd be okay imitating that if the dog didn't also pronounce every word with an R ("Ruh-roh, Raggy")."

Trying to adopt both verbal quirks around bedtime is challenging and incredibly irritating to listen to. So my Scooby speaks without a speech impediment in perfect, unbroken English.

3. The "kids" are really hobos. Not the best role models. And, c'mon, they are not kids, they are adults or older teens at best. They need to get a real job. A lifetime pass to the water park will not build retirement savings.

So you here you have two jobless men and two jobless women shacking up in a van and traveling the country together. My daughter asked me the other night, "Why do they always wear the same clothes? And which girl is married to which boy?"

Oops! Would you look at the clock. Bedtime!

Oh, it's all in good fun. Any children's books irritate you lately?


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