Can You Force Your Kid to Go to College?

on June 25, 2009 at 11:00 AM

forcing kids to go to college

What do you do if you want your kid to go to college or vocational training program and she/he is refusing to go?

Two moms share their completely different takes on how they handle this situation...

I don't believe in forcing my son to go to college if he doesn't want to go because I feel it is not productive. If he doesn't want to be there, he is not going to learn, and it will be a waste of money and his time. We started an account for each child when I got pregnant with them. We never specified that the money was only for college, so if he chooses not to go to college he is free to use the money for a car, or a down payment on a house or apartment. Because the money was saved for them, I think they should be given it. But to get the money they have to have a specific goal for spending it.

On the other hand, lawmom623 said:

My children know that they must go to college or enter some other training program that will qualify them for more than part-time work, (for example, 1-year chef's school for my oldest stepson). If they won't go to school, they need to find a way to earn a living—and fast—or they will be working 40 hours a week for me.

One of my sons had to drop out of school for a semester when he didn't apply himself. Until he found a full-time job, he cleaned my carpets, pressure-washed both the house and my husband's office building weeded flower beds, groomed dogs...the nastiest jobs I could find. I really wanted him to appreciate the fact that not having a degree or some sort of training qualified him to do work he really doesn't want to do. He's had all As and Bs ever since he went back to school.

If he had refused to find a job and refused to work at home, he would have needed to find somewhere else to go (his father and I are divorced—he probably would have gone there).

Have you ever been a situation like this? How did you handle it with your son or daughter?

About the author Kim Conte

has shoes that make people stop her on the street and ask "Where did you get those?" but it doesn't work for taxi cabs as she was hit by one ... and lived to tell the tale. She has more freckles than Lohan but way less attitude. And she's a fierce cook with tons of recipes to share -- and wishes she could share some with Bourdain.

Filed Under: college, independence, jobs & money

Comments (12)

Freela

on Jun 25, 2009 at 2:36 PM

I think it's more my role to help my kids find what they want to do... not to force them to do what I think they should do. My mom was always very adamant that I go to university. College/vocational training was not good enough for her. I had to have a university education and a 'career.' I wanted to get licensced as a hairdresser but that was not good enough for my mom. So off I went to university (selected largely based on conveniant location) and earned my four year degree in a field that I didn't really want to work in. After working for a couple years I had my first child and decided to be a SAHM in part because I wanted the time with my kids, but in part because I hated my job. Now I work casually (unlicensced) as a hairdresser's assistant. Hmmm.... maybe Mom should have let me get trained in that field in the first place- would have saved a lot of time and money to do what I wanted to do in the first place anyhow.

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michelelopez

on Jun 25, 2009 at 2:50 PM

Force is a strong work but I would certainly (will) strongly encourage both of my children to go to college!

aurorabunny

on Jun 25, 2009 at 3:41 PM

I would never force my child to go to college. I'd love it if he is able to go, but it's up to him. Talk about control freak!

LadyKiki

on Jun 25, 2009 at 5:26 PM

I would never force my children to go to college. I have seen parents that force their kids and I have seen how their kids have acted out. We will set out college funds for our children but once he hits the age it's up to him. I got into my dream college but ended dropping out and getting married at 18 instead. Lot of people told me I was crazy and it would never work out. We have been married over 7 years now. I never regret not going to college. I wouldn't have my son if I had gone to college and I wouldn't trade him for anything :).

kitten_shuga

on Jun 25, 2009 at 8:23 PM

Its a very bad idea to make your child go to college before they are ready. You are paying for them to go and learn nothing. Even if they aren't sure they want to go right out of highschool I think it's wise to give them some breathing room and time to think. Let them decide what they really want to do, because I know a million (almost) people who have degrees in something the don't enjoy at all...

MomIWant

on Jun 26, 2009 at 11:02 AM

I'm not sure I would use the word force, but my children have known since Kindergarten that a degree of some kind would be necessary. We expect them to go to college.

MaMaLaLa369

on Jun 26, 2009 at 11:18 AM

i don't like how some people think that just becasue you dont have a college education means you will only work "crappy, nasty" jobs. my mom never even finished high school and she is the office manager at a vet clinic. my dad never finished high school either and has been a mechanic for the same company for almost 25 years. both are VERY happy with their jobs. my mom loves working with animals and my dad lives for working on cars- even at home he spends most of his time in his garage working on his vehicles. being happy means a heck of a lot more than a diploma forced upon a person. some people aren't into having everything that money can buy.

justanotherjen

on Jun 26, 2009 at 11:42 AM

I would never force my children to go to college. They will be the ones paying for it so it will be their choice. And to me, forcing them to go wouldn't be beneficial. They wouldn't want to be there and wouldn't put as much effort into it.

I went to college because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. I enjoyed it the first year but by the 2nd year I was stressed out and slacking off because I just didn't care. I wasn't interested in studying anything, had no focus and was more worried about paying my rent then studying for exams. I quit because I realized the only reason I was still going was because other people expected me to go. College has to be something that the person wants, not something they're just expected to do. My grades dropped a lot because I just didn't care anymore.

LostTheSlipper

on Jun 28, 2009 at 12:18 AM

College is one of the biggest scams out there. I went......stupid choice. Biggest waste of my time ever. I would never force my kid to go, nor would I purposely encourage it. If he wants to go, fine, his choice.

Bertha65

on Jun 28, 2009 at 1:13 AM

I was sort of forced to go. I remember asking my mom why I had to go and I basically got the 'because you have to' routine. I rebelled by dropping/flunking out the first semester. I spent the next 13 years working up to 3 jobs at a time to support myself until I started taking classes on my own and getting a decent job. Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking working hard at any job, but it would have been a lot easier if I had a degree and was able to get a job that paid better. I wish she had explained this to me,