Dealing With Bullies: Who's to Blame?

on June 11, 2009 at 10:58 AM

dealing with bullies Does your kid ever get picked on at school?

Any parent who has ever dealt with bullying or social exclusion—whether your child is the victim or the offender—knows how upsetting this can be. But who's to blame for the bullying problem: Kids? Parents? Schools? Doctors?

Some pediatricians now believe that it is the schools' responsibility to prevent bullying—instead of only protecting the victims or ignoring the problem altogether.

In other words, does your school have a "zero-tolerance policy" with respect to bullying? Under such policies, schools simply suspend or expel the bully, which may be effective in the short-term. However, they often do nothing to follow-up with children—making sure that the victims' situation has improved and/or helping the bullies and their families "learn to function in a new way." More important, they do nothing to prevent the problem or identify potential conflict situations or locations (for example, the out-of-sight corner playground).

Next month, the American Academy of Pediatrics will officially recommend that schools adopt bullying prevention programs. Such programs will seek to prevent bullying by focusing on informing and activating the other kids—the majority of kids who witness the bullying but are not involved. Once these kids "realize that the bully is someone who has a problem managing his or her behavior, and the victim is someone they can protect" they will be less likely to tolerate bullying.

Has your child every been involved in bullying? Were you happy with how the school dealt with the situation? Or do you think it needs a new bullying policy such as this?

About the author Kim Conte

has shoes that make people stop her on the street and ask "Where did you get those?" but it doesn't work for taxi cabs as she was hit by one ... and lived to tell the tale. She has more freckles than Lohan but way less attitude. And she's a fierce cook with tons of recipes to share -- and wishes she could share some with Bourdain.

Filed Under: behavior, bullies, discipline

Comments (12)

jlizgar

on Jun 11, 2009 at 2:51 PM

My child has never been involved in bullying but she is just in 1st grade, im sure as she gets older it will be an issue that we will deal with at one time or another sadly...personally, I think its the PARENTS responsibility first and foremost to make sure their kids behave and dont bully others at ALL time, that would include while at school but that simply doesnt happy (as can be seen im my local area, out of control kids EVERYWHERE) but when the parents drop the ball, I do expect the schools to pick up the slack and at the very least have a policy in place that says they will NOT tolerate bullys!

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on Jun 11, 2009 at 2:52 PM

I meant simply doesnt HAPPEN not HAPPY, nothing happy about bullys

justgrape723

on Jun 11, 2009 at 4:03 PM

I feel it is #1 the parents, but I also feel it is the community as well. ,I know when I have approached parents of bullies I was always calm but concerned the parents would flip out and over re-act. the kids are learning the behavior from the parents. And as a community we need to have less than zero tolerance for this behavior and we need to hold the parents as well as these kids accountable

teamquinn

on Jun 11, 2009 at 8:17 PM

The answer to the question who is responsible is all of the above. It is the parents responsibility to teach the child how to behave, it is the school's responsibility to discourage bullying as much as possible and ultimately it is the child who is the bully who has chosen the behavior. I'm not sure how well the situation can be addressed, but it does need to be addressed.

Deidre57

on Jun 12, 2009 at 7:10 AM

So I take it none of you have neurobehavioral disorder diagnosed children. Especially in the young child who can't explain that the world is physically assaulting their skin. Where tags on a child's shirt literally cause physical pain to the child. Or a child who has a personal space larger than another child. So please kindhearted mothers let's educate ourselves and our children not to be so judgemental. Compassion for parents raising children affected by trauma is needed by all. Yes we are all responsible for every child's safety. Let's join together with creative solutions so all children can participate in activities that promote imagination.

chellebelle7486

on Jun 12, 2009 at 11:14 AM

so if a neurobehaviorally disordered child acts out because of their oversensitivities and as a result emotionally traumatizes my child instead of feeling upset for my child I should have more compassion for the disordered? I understand the neurobehaviorally disordered child has special needs but it doesn't make acting out violently against other children OK.

Philly247

on Jun 12, 2009 at 12:44 PM

My child had a bully in Kindergarten and I had reported several incidents to the teacher. Bullying seemed to take place when the teacher was distracted and also on the bus by the same child. Complaining to the teacher seemed a dead end. They could only do so much and have a talk with the parents. This bully was put in time out and excluded from some activities but went right back to doing the same terrible physical and social assaulting on my child and others. This year she has a new bully because the old one isn't in her class this year. This child doesn't own up to her acts and I have had to talk to the mother this time around. The mother gave all sorts of excuses about her child's behavior and it went right back to where it began. If I have to talk to this mother about her child's behavior- I would have her on speed dial! My child knows to let the adults know about this but it also gets to be turned around like she's a tattler. I let her know to let her pick her battles but physical contact is crossing the line! The bottom line is...interact with your children and listen to other's complaints and maybe the 'bullies' won't have to seek getting attention any way they can.

jdtink

on Jun 12, 2009 at 9:14 PM

Thank God my kids' schools are on top of this,,,,However, we parentsa need to also be fully aware! There is no room for bullying! kids can not deal w/ this themselves! We parentts need to help --- fix!

londamg

on Jun 17, 2009 at 12:29 PM

im not sure yet how our school handles these situations. My son just finished kindergarten and was bullied by a 2nd grader. It was not at school though but here in our complex. Every time i tried to talk to his mother she suposibly wasnt home. by the time i seen her next i felt it was to late to talk about it and just didnt want to anymore. my children were told they can no longer play with him because he was being mean and i told them that they do not need friends who are mean.

shaepetee

on Jun 25, 2009 at 11:47 AM

My son was bullied in school. My son was blamed and sent to counselor's and the principals office and everything else. The bullies were not punished at all. They threw my son down in the hallways, tore his clothing, called him names, and on , and on. This was witnessed by teachers and they did nothing. My son was not only bullied by males but also females. And the reasoning for being bullied, was because his backpack was orange. I talked to the teachers, many of times, then went to the principal, nothing happened, was all blamed on my son.

There were so many bullies, that we had to leave the school. It starts with parenting yes, BUT the school is responsible for keeping children safe. If they don't put a stop to the bullying, then it progresses and you get kids that are victims to bullying taking things into their own hands because NO ONE else is stopping the situation.

Since we moved, 3yrs ago, my son has not been bullied. (Using the same orange backpack in his new school)