Do You Spy on Your Kids Online?

on June 8, 2009 at 7:30 AM

spying on kids online Lots of moms admit to reading kids' text messages, checking their Facebook page, and hacking into their e-mail. It's no wonder—with so many sex offenders lurking on the Web, as well as the practice of sexting becoming more and more common, moms are determined to protect their kids online. But some experts say that talking to your kids about technology and Internet use is more effective than digital spying.

Because spying undermines trust, some experts recommend instead "talking to kids about things they post online about themselves including pictures, videos, and comments that can be seen by strangers" to make sure they are being appropriate.

However, if parents do see warning signs—evidence of substance abuse, inappropriate relationships, a drop in school performance, or a psychiatric or developmental disorder—parents should investigate what their kids are up to on the Web.

Where do you fall on this issue? Do you read your kids' text messages, e-mails, MySpace page, etc.? Or do you think checking up on this stuff is invading their privacy?

About the author Kim Conte

has shoes that make people stop her on the street and ask "Where did you get those?" but it doesn't work for taxi cabs as she was hit by one ... and lived to tell the tale. She has more freckles than Lohan but way less attitude. And she's a fierce cook with tons of recipes to share -- and wishes she could share some with Bourdain.

Filed Under: independence, internet, privacy, safety, technology

Comments (7)

BaisMom

on Jun 8, 2009 at 10:42 AM

I think "spying" is very rude of a parent to do, unless there are problems like the article stated. I remember my parents reading my diary one time and I was SO upset and I felt betrayed. I know it's different, but it's the same concept. I will check up on what she's doing of course, because I'm not stupid enough to believe in the "my child would never" delusion, but to constantly check her tech will show her that I don't trust her; and if she thinks I don't trust her, why would she trust me?

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momof3inTN

on Jun 8, 2009 at 11:08 PM

Nope. Don't need to. My children aren't allowed online. And they won't be allowed online until they are MUCH more mature and better able to handle the cyber-world (round about age 16 is where my husband and I are going to consider allowing internet, supervised).

LostTheSlipper

on Jun 9, 2009 at 12:54 AM

Disagree with BiasMom......If it's online (i.e. Myspace, etc.) and other people can see it, then it's not private to begin with and as parents it is a DUTY to monitor kids online - it's safety, not spying.

carmentopeka

on Jun 9, 2009 at 7:09 AM

my personal belief is as follows. my teen boys and girl have as much right to privacy as we do in the adult world. but i am unable to stand by and do nothing when it is under my roof and i see the news and the potential of how things can go so wrong. so yes i have a facebook,myspace and monitor what is being said by my children and their friends. My kids don't see eye to eye with me on this yet but they deal with it because they know i am only doing this to protect them. i can only be apart of their child hood once and i am not going to say i won't be involved because of privacy not happening. the parents of other kids who go to our school know as well that i am on there and feel like they can be there to. i love my kids but the world is bigger and more harmful than when i was growing up i have to get with the program to keep my kids safe. if i don't who will?????? I think of it as proactive parenting.

dflygirl7

on Jun 10, 2009 at 10:02 AM

It's called monitoring, not spying, if you tell them there will be transparency and you will check if you have reason to. Even instant messaging can be printed out and passed around. I told my dd that she has no control over what the person on the other end does w/what you type, so you do have a responsibility to present yourself in a way that encourages respect, and always think about what happens after you say what you say.

MomJan

on Jul 31, 2009 at 12:13 AM

I have a 15 year old daughter. She has both my-space and facebook accounts. I have the passwords for both and monitor them at least a couple of times a week. She knows that I do this and she has no problem with it. I think that it's too dangerous to allow anything less. The important thing for a parent to do is to keep the lines of communication open enough that the child will feel alright with the parent seeing anything they are posting or their friends are posting. I also think that I've learned what kids I prefer her not haning around with by looking occasionally.

ethans_momma06

on Jun 6, 2010 at 2:19 PM

I wouldn't spy because of my own aversion to invasion of privacy but we would go over what is 'acceptable' content to share, etc. and I would hope that my children would be open to me seeing their pages (but not reading their personal mail unless permission had been given).