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Doesn't it seem like the media is always trying to come up with a new label to define us as parents? A recent piece in the New York Times discusses a new trend called "slow parenting"—which is the opposite of over-parenting and over-scheduling your children.
In other words, instead of constantly rushing your kids around to soccer practice, guitar lessons, etc., and obsessing about their safety and needs, the focus of slow parenting is on backing off and lightening up. This type of parenting style is supposedly a rebellion against "child-centering parenting" or "alpha parenting" in which parents micromanage their kids.
Parents are used to sacrificing their own needs for the benefit of their children; now, the new philosophy is that parents should pay more attention to their own needs (in addition to the needs of their kids). This way, everyone—both kids and parents— will be happier and better adjusted in the end.
What do you think of "slow parenting"? Is it selfish or does it make sense?
Comments (15)
It's about balance. Giving proper guidance (some call micro-managing) because we have experinced life and they haven't. Parenting is about being there for our kids but still making sure we take time for our own needs too. There is a ridiculous ideal out there that it's black and white. We're either smotherring or absent. Give me a break. Kids need a bit of all the "styles" of parenting. While nobody is perfect in anything it's at least best when we try to give our kids the best part of each parenting "style". Just my opinion though.
rozepyle you are correct. Those options in the poll are insulting.
If you are over 35, you were probably raised "slow-parenting" - they just called it parenting. We were allowed to have "free" time - where you would go outside and play using your imagination not $10,00 worth of electronics & smart toys. We were taught empathy, values, ethics and the importance of being part of a whole. My mother would never have dreamed of sacrificing to allow me to have material things which I wanted not needed. Maybe going back to slow parenting wouldn't be such a bad thing.
I don't find the choices insulting at all. I understand that this was something that was taken out of New York Times. I think that being a parent is a tough job and as parents we always second guess our choices for our kids....well I do any way. I think if your kids want to have a full schedule that is different than making them have one. And I do believe that you should teach them to do things and think for themselves. My son's fiance would probably agree since I did so much for him and now he kind of thinks she should too. Since my kids are so far apart in age (18 years) I do think that maybe giving this slow parenting thing a try would not be so bad. I don't think the concept of it is to ignore you kids but not to ignore yourself in the process of raising your kids. I think that might be where the offense was taken. But like I said....being a parent is a tough job nobody is perfect and your kids will always let you know that once they grow up. hee hee
Child-centered parenting is the complete opposite of what was described above.
I parent that way...I tend to call myself "free-range" but I "slow parent" too. My kids spend most of their time doing what they want (not running wild just entertaining themselves) while I do my thing. They come to me when they need attention but otherwise we do our own things and they don't always come first and never have. We balance everyone's needs. I have no problems or guilt telling my kids I can't drop everything I'm doing to play with them (sometimes I'm busy cooking or cleaning and sometimes I'm doing something I enjoy).
They are also allowed to play outside alone, walk home from school alone and a lot of other stuff that is central to free-range parenting. At home to cook for themselves (as much as 8, 7 and 6 year olds can cook). I expect them to take care of themselves. I'm not their maid. Even my 3yo knows how to clean her room and can make herself a sandwich if she wants.
The only activities they do are on Thursdays and Fridays during the school year and if I or they don't feel like going then they don't (we skip a lot of days in the winter because it's too cold to walk).
Right now my 8yo and 6yo daughters are upstairs playing Barbies and my 7yo son and 3yo daughter are having a snack (that they got themselves) and watching TV in the living room.
Sounds something a teenager would want to do, because thats what most teens want from their own parents. Its the"leave me alone, let me do what I want" mentality.
Just because you're a mom does NOT mean your needs have to come last all the time. There can and should be a healthy balance. My daughter gets all of her needs met, but I also get MY needs met too. There are times that she has to sit in her high chair so Mommy can grab a bite to eat, or use the bathroom. Does that make me a bad parents? Nope. It makes me a HAPPY parent, and because I'm happy, so is my daughter.