Alright, I didn't want to put this in the headline, but yesterday's Oprah was about more than simply talking to daughters about sex.
Dr. Laura Berman, Oprah's resident sex therapist (and a very smart cookie if you ask me) actually suggested that along with age appropriate sex education--which includes very specific anatomic details--that mothers should also consider talking to their teen daughters about self stimulation (better known as masturbation).
Gasp! Yeah, I know--that's what the audience yesterday did too.
But wait. There's a logic to what she says. Let me paraphrase. Berman suggests that when teenage girls have "ownership" of their own bodies and they are given the emotional freedom (read: guilt free permission) to actually explore their own bodies, they will be more likely to put off seeking sexual gratification from a boy for far longer. She says that experiencing pleasure for themselves should not be a taboo subject for teen girls--especially in light of the fact that so many of them are already performing oral sex on boys (something she does not condone). She even suggested vibrators for teen girls.
Are you still there?
Did you see the show? What do you think about the idea of letting teen girls know that masturbation is natural, healthy and safer than sex?
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Comments 24
I didn't see the show, but I'm not surprised that teaching girls about self-stimulation was brought up in a positive light. I won't be going out to buy my daughter her "Very First Vibrator" when she's a teen, but when my toddler and preschooler have touched their genitals in front of me, I have never told them "Don't do that!" I simply tell them that that's private, and something you should only do alone in your room. I also tell them that the only people who should touch them on their penis or vulva or anus (yes, I use anatomically correct words) is themselves or their doctor.
PS, I had to giggle that on the home page it says, "See what we're buzzing about today", and it's about this topic. :D hee hee hee.
Okay my inner 12 year old boy is satisfied now. :)
I saw the show and it really did answer a lot of my questions about how and when to talk to my daughter about sex. I would have never considered age 10 as the time to do it but everything she said made it make sense. 10 does seem to be the best time to talk about it. I also never would have considered talking to my daughter about self stimulation . I mean I get red in the face just thinking about telling her this! It does make sense though. I am NOT an Oprah fan but I did find this show very imformative!
Amy-I smiled too it's okay! lol!
i seen it to and I did agree with everything she is saying. I just wish she wuz around here to help me tell and exsplain it to my daughter. But the ten year old thing wuz a shocker to me. I did agree with it. It just shocked me cause my daughter will be 10 next month. so scarry now I have to figure out how to exsplain things to my daughter. why o why does she have to grow up. that is my main problem.
i saw the show and recorded it to show my fiance!!! i wrote my own thing about the show yesterday as i ws watching it!!! it tends to make my mind wonder on why though would you tell your daughter that it is o.k. to touch herself in her room or use a vibrator, i just well i don't know!!! sex is very overrated and i don't even know what i'am tryin to say!!!! my mind is going 1000 mph and i can't get things out fast enough!!!!
lol, I was watching & my daughter who just had twin girls in Jan. called & said "mom, i don't remember having the talk like that" i said, "we certainly had the talk but I completely forgot to teach you the part about self-stimulation...My bad...sorry honey." We both cracked up. that little 10 y/o was a hoot. She'll have a bright future I think. Seemed very grounded.
I agree with most all of it. I don't have a daughter, so luckily I don't have to think about that part too much (something tells me my boys will figure out how to explore their own bodies LOL).
I think what she was saying makes a lot of sense... even if some moms don't want to hear it. Knowing your own body and how to pleasure yourself is a good thing, even after marraige. I don't know that I would rush out to get her a vibrator either though.... not because I think it's wrong, and if she asked I would get her one, but because I think most girls can do just fine without it if they want to LOL.
My mom did a lot of the things they talked about on the show and I didn't loose my virginity until I was 20 and he's the only man I have been with to this day, 10 years later!
I absolutely agree that 10 is the right age to make sure you started talking (or earlier if the child brings up questions!), and to create confidence and openness. Don't wait... 'cause from one day to the next, they are confronted with it and your talk may be too late!
The more hormones, the less hearing...
I missed that show but have a family member that was pregnant at age 13 really brings to light that it's never to early to start age appropriate talk. I have mixed feelings about talking to my daughters about self stimulation but we'll see how that goes. My 9 year old will be 10 this summer but she's not quite ready to have an in depth talk - boys are still "yucky"
I have told her we will probably start talking about this in the fall. I have a wonderful book from usborne that has tastefully done pictures so I'm hoping that will help me and her have this discussion. In case anyone is interested, the book is "Growing Up" by Susan Meredith - ISBN 0746031424.
I think what parents need to do is have enough things for the kids to do in the first place so they dont go out and start hjaving sex and getting pregnant,kids do that when they are bored. Thiers dancing, karate, swimming, hiking, sewing, quilting, knitting, crocheting, embroidery, cooking, reading, drawing, skating, singing, piano playing,theirs enough to do in this world that we shouldnt have to focus on our kids having sex at a tender young age...I have four kids ages 7 10 11 13,I make it my personal business to see to it that they are entertained,happy and content. I think its important to teach your children to save themselves for marriage, let them date when they turn 16 as long as its chauffered by a responsible adult.