Tweens Texting Nude Pics: What Should a Mom Do?


This is one of those things that we hear about more and more, and we know happens but pray our kids aren't involved. Well, unfortunately for snuglebuggie, the time to confront the issue of inappropriate (ie, nude pics!) texts between her daughter and another boy is now.

Her 11-year-old daughter received texted pictures of a boy's private parts--a boy she likes. It's enough to make a parent go ballistic, but instead, snuglebuggie would really appreciate our sound advice--not judgement. The following is her situation in her own words; it's worth reading it all. 

Hello, I need some advice.  My dd has been talking to this boy from school who she likes but he recently sent her a picture of his private area.  Basically, we were upset and explained to her that it was VERY WRONG to send something like that. We  explained to her that the boy obviously didn't respect her enough in the first place.   We told her she needs to tell him not to send anything like that again and so on. She was crying because she really likes him, but I don't know how else to let her know that he's a jack a_ _!! 

I also had her txt him to give us his home phone or to call us because I wanted to speak with his mother or father about it.  Needless to say it took him txting a couple of times asking why, and I had to finally get on the phone and txt saying that this is dd mother and would like for him to call. He said okay and did. My dd answered and told him that we found out about the picture. He said, " Omg,...are you okay?"  Then he said that he had to go get his mom and would call back.  It was over an hour and 1/2 before he txt back asking my dd how much trouble she got in. When I told her to ask him if his mom knew, he said yes and that she didn't want to talk to anyone because she is mad.  

I want to make sure his mom/dad knows what happened, but how can I find out?   What would you guys do?  I don't want to ruin school life for her but yet no one should get away with that either. Should I contact the school about this or leave it at that?  I basically feel that I need to teach my dd what is appropriate and not appropriate and what to do about it.  Any ideas on what else I can do for my dd? Punishment, etc?

Moms please chime in if you have faced a similar situation with your own child, or have specific suggestions on what she should do.

independence, sex & dating, tweens


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myken... mykenzienkaia

Wowww! They're getting younger and younger!! I would definitely call his mother or set up a meeting with the kids and you parents! That way the kids will both learn what's wrong and right and there won't be any he said she said. Couldn't you talk to the wireless provider and block him from texting her?? I greatly doubt he told his mother anything like that!!

Erica37 Erica37

I have a 11yr. old daughter,And I'm not sure what I would do! But,I know I would go over to the boys Parents House,To talk to them about it,To make sure they knew what he was texting to my 11yr. old daughter.I don't think I would get the School involved,Unless it happened during School.I do think its good,How you explained to your daughter,The wrong in him texting something like that,Though.If she showed you the Picture,I would not punish her.Good Luck,And I hope this is the last of the Picture texting!

Stitc... Stitch_N_Love

My situation is a little like yours, only my daughter is 13, or at the time, and it was from someone she met online! He doesn't live in our area....

My daughter lost her phone previlages and computer for 3 months. She was talking to this guy online and on her phone... We are not sure if she sent pics too but she does take pics of herself in her bathing suit, etc. She started this after my cousin lived with us for 9 months and my ex started dating a girl 21 years his junior.

We have had lots of long talks about what is appropriate and not appropriate and how if she gets those kinds of messages again, she is to immediately tell us or we are going to have to think that she is doing them too. My ex wanted to press charges to the boy, but I don't think that is the answer either. It's a tough call. I don't even know if I made the right choice in how to handle it or not.

Good luck!

Rhino... Rhinomomof15

 I agree with Erica37 and wouldn't punish her, she did show/tell you pics. It is hard for kids to understand why this is wrong when there's so much nudity on tv/ movies/ games/ computers etc. It is hard to protect them from all that, and the more they are exposed the less shock value it has the next time they see it until finally it is no big deal. Haley DiMarco has writen lots of books for girls on issues like this and other. Might be something to read together, we did.~~I too would insist on speaking to the boys parents. I wouldn't get the school involved unless I couldn't find out a number/address any other way. There are lots of internet searches to find phone numbers that might help you. If all else fails I would probably talk privately to the principal explaining with very little detail the importance of getting ahold of these parents; asking him to please call  their home and speak to them/leave message asking them to get in touch with you concerning their son.~~

Rhino... Rhinomomof15

I wouldn't necessarily stop the boy from seeing my daughter (if this is something you allowed before)  Determining his attitude and intention would determine whether he would be allowed to continue the relationship. Kids this age often do what others tell them. My older sons often tell my younger ones to do things because older thinks it would be "funny". If you sense remorse then lead the way to modeling and teaching how young men should treat young ladies. We've done this many times with boys our girls have brought home, and with girls our boys have brought home. I would take a proactive role in their activities--play card/board games together, family movies, etc.~~I'd also continue to check your daughters emails/phone texts and pictures. We have access to all our kids emails/facebooks/ myspace/ etc. I look at them periodically unless I have a concern, then check them over with great detail. My children don't get a cell phone until they get a driver's license or turn 17, which ever happens first so I don't have to worry about it as much.~~I also want to commend you for taking an active role in response to this. Many parents chalk it up curiosity and sweep it under the rug. I think it is a big deal, but it doesn't have to ruin lives or friendships if people admit mistakes and want to change. Thanks for working to make a difference!!

pilgr... pilgrimmom

Can you block pictures and/or limit texting.?  She is so young; she will probably not understand how awful this is until she matures.  I would have initially said to block the phone, but my experience tells me that if a kid lets the parent know about stuff, this is a great thing.  You must have done a great job if she is comfortable to do this!!  As for the boy  [grrr!]  I might try asking the school if there is any way to let this boy's parents know what happened [anonymously].  I did have to talk to a mom once, and she was very grateful.  So...listen to your 'gut' and don't be afraid to do what needs to be done  -  either with your daughter or her friends.  You won't regret it.

Jenny... JennyLopez

I have a 10 yr old daughter and she could only txt on her phone, because of all the pics that are being sent we decided not to have that service on her phone. On your situation I would definitely talk his parents, you don't know what kind of pics his getting or sending.

Kiter Kiter

why can't you gethis number of the cell phone and call it,or look up his parents number? I assume you know his last name .

I would not punish the daughter- she did nothing wrong. She was on the recieving end and she was honest about it and let you know.

Personally, I'd not let someone that young have a cell phone, let alone texting capabilities- but that's a different subject.

good change his parents do NOT know as he claimed, so I'd make sure I was in contact with them and le them know.

Angie... Angie32Red

I do not let my children have a cell phone even though my 12 year old dd has begged for one for 2 years now. I don't think kids of her age are mature enough to have one for this very reason. I have heard so many of my daughters friends who got their phones taken away because they went over their minutes etc. I would take her phone away and I would make sure I called his parents and or talk to them to let them know that their son is sending nude pictures of himself to your dd.Why do kids need a cell phone for anyway if they aren't working at least a part time job. Kids don't have that much going on in there life to need a cell phone at this age.

jostock jostock

did you let the school know what happened . mabey they could get ahold of his parents

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