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Like it or not, most moms tend to emulate their own mother's parenting style. It's also fair to say that most of us will make improvements and adjustments along the way, but a large part of what we deem acceptable comes from home. If your mother was a disciplinarian, chances are you will be too.
So the question is, were you a disrespectful kid? If so, how did your mother handle it? mom2b23869 has a friend who is dealing with blatant disrespect from her 9-year-old daughter that, of all things, has told her to, "Shut up!" Whoa. To mom2b23869's credit , she is helping her friend look for alternative punishments that include no hitting.
Another issue is the way some mother's talk to their own children, check out this post: Do you tell your child to shut-up?
Does your child tell you to "shut up?" If so, how do you handle it? I have a feeling that for some moms, "shut up" requires punishment that's not so alternative after all.
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Comments (89)
My child would not cross that line. If they did, one pop in the mouth would cure that. I am not afraid to say it.
Mostly, when my kids get out of line, it's simply, "oh no sir" and they get back in line.
I don't get the shut up, but from my 8 year old, I get the "OK! I AM! I WAS GOING TO! UGH! GOH! FINE!"
It is so frustrating....all of those are accompanied with stomping and slamming of doors, or objects....
Now my daughter Taylor, is in counseling, due to some issues she is holding onto from anger with her father, and my first marriage/divorce...we are all working together to help her sort out her anger with those issues, and with self esteem as well. These little outbursts normally come when she is asked to do something, anything, other than what she wants to do...like put her shoes away, or clean up her room, or bed time...we have since set more limits, more structure....but make it appear as her choice...she chooses to display bad attitude, she loses a priveledge or one item from her room of our choice...if she complies with our requests, she is thanked and not punished... both her Stepfather and myself are very consious that we not raise our voice, and remain calm and stern, and very "matter of fact" on our approach with her, in the past, we have raised our voices due to frustration, its hard....but we are all working on it with Taylor And .the results? It has worked a few times, but we are still coming up against quite a bit of the "tude`".....help with any suggestions on how to handle it?
First of all, if I had been disrespectful to my mom I 'still' wouldn't be able to sit down! lol I never had disrespectful kids either. We have to remember that our kids came to us with a clean slate. Everything they learned as small children came from their caretakers. Think back to the first time your child said "shut up!". Did you laugh and think it was cute? Did you ignore it because you thought your toddler was just blowing off steam? Well, rather you know it or not, if you did nothing, you were teaching that child that it was ok to tell you to "SHUT UP!" We, as parents are suppose to give guidance and teach our youngsters how to deal in our society as adults. So when your cute little one tells you to "shut up" or hits or pushes you, try to imagine that child as a teen or young adult in your face, and remember that when you allow this behavior you are training this child to act this way.
Bottom line... Love and set limits! Love and have rules in the family that everyone follows. Love and have consequences for positive and negative actions... and don't forget to LOVE. :o)
I was not allowed to be disrespectful. I knew that if I EVER was, I'd get a foot up my ass!
my mom would have smacked me in the face if I talked to her like that.... She didn't talk to me that way either, though. Kids can learn disrespect from other kids, but the first time they act they act that way, they need to be punished. (obviously not smacked in the face. lol) Kids are going to "try" us but it is our job to correct them EVERYTIME they do. Teaching them respect starts when they are babies...
My mother had my sister and I switched around: I remember once getting 3 months of no TV for saying 3 disrespectful things, whereas my sister's punishment for getting stranded in NYC 2 hours away on a drug run was that she was not allowed to hang out with one of the friends involved for a week.
I called my mother a pretty nasty name once and only once. She chased me up the stairs where I shut and locked the bathroom door. The bathroom door was literally ripped of it's lock and hinges and I wore a red hand print on my face for the day. Needless to say, it never happened again. I come from a very close, loveing family and was raised to be respectiful to others and as an adult, I realize I had that cheek slap coming that day.
If I had even THOUGHT about talking to my parents this way, I wouldn't have any teeth. I can't stand disrespectful kids, and my kids know better to talk this way. I was at a swimming party a couple of years ago and I heard a little boy tell his mother to shut up and not only did she not do anything about it, she allowed him to stay at the party and have fun!! Yeah, that would have happened at my house. Parents are so spineless these days.
I just got a private message from a mom who said that I offended her and her children for saying that I would pop my kid in the mouth.
I would pop MY kid, not yours... so I don't see what's to be offended about.
If a child behaves this way, it is because the parents (or one parent or the other..step parent...whatever) allows it....or they treat the child with equal disrespect and use those types of words with them. Sorry but it's true. Kids dont just decide to tlak to their parents this way.