15 Secrets Teachers Definitely Don't Want Parents to Know

Genny Glassman | Sep 7, 2017 Big Kid


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The relationship between a child and their school teachers is critical. These are the people who not only give our little ones grades and teach them to read, but teachers also influence how kids feel and develop in the classroom. Teachers spend almost as much time with our kids as we do. But who are our kids' teachers really? Surprising as it may to be some, teachers are people too. 

Yep, it's true. They have boyfriends and girlfriends, sleeve tattoos, and bad habits. Some of them work unexpected side gigs. Some of them get just as annoyed by certain kids as parents do. They all have their secrets.

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We found some of the deepest, darkest, and most honest teacher confessions that explain how they feel about teaching and all the things they try to hide from our kids. Yes, these are the good, the bad, and the ugly. But these testimonies might just make us parents polish that apple a little more and think extra hard when coming up with this year's teacher appreciation gift.

Here are 15 secrets from real teachers that they hope parents will never find out.

  • The Secret to Success

    1

    "On most homework assignments, we spend maybe 30 seconds grading each one. We have trained ourselves to look for certain keywords in each assignment and also length. Frankly, it is mind-numbing and very repetitive work, very boring and most people aren't that different."

  • Party Animals

    2

    "They think we don't know how to party. I prefer it stays that way. Especially when I teach grades that are old enough to go out. I don't want them to see me pretty drunk, showing off my best stripper moves on a dance floor. And I don't want to see theirs."

  • Pass It On

    3

    "I gave an incredibly annoying and disruptive student a passing grade when he didn't deserve one. If he didn't pass, I was going to have him in my class again the next year, and I couldn't handle that."

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  • Two Peas in a Pod

    4

    "After meeting [a student's] parents, 90 percent of the time I think, 'The apple didn't fall far from the tree.' It's not necessarily good or bad, but you're probably more like your parents than you realize."

  • Help me help you

    5

    "For helper tasks (taking lunch count, bringing attendance to the office, etc.), we choose badly behaved kids, not well-behaved ones. Gives us a break from them, and gives them less time destroying things in the classroom."

  • Oh, Fascinating. Go On...

    6

    "I ask [my students] what they think to give me time to think about [their] question, which I have absolutely no idea about. While they're answering, I'm mostly ignoring them while simultaneously staring them in the face and nodding approvingly."

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  • Ink Master

    7

    "I don't want my students to know that I have massive tattoos on both of my arms. I always wear long sleeves to school. Luckily, they haven't asked why ... yet."

  • They Feel as Boxed-In as You Do

    8

    "Most of the decisions I make aren't truly my own, and are simply made by the board of education. Most of the time I hate the way I have to teach, and I want [my students] to know we are on the same page that this sucks." 

  • Miss Congeniality

    9

    "I definitely care if the kids like me. If a kid says they don't like me, I totally try to play it cool and say I am here to teach, not to make friends. Secretly, I die a little inside and am usually thinking about it all week long."

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  • Teacher's Pet

    10

    "I absolutely have favorite students, and I also have students who make me praise the heavens that I never have to see them again when they leave class for the last time. If you don't make my life and job any harder than they have to be, I'm more likely to be lenient and helpful. The reverse is true, too."

  • Trading Places

    11

    "I hear kids complain 'I can't wait to graduate and move out' and I'm like, I will Freaky Friday switch places with you right now. You can work and pay my bills, and I'll be a good little kid and get good grades and hang out with friends." 

  • Don't Call My Bluff

    12

    "I am bluffing about telling your parents. Usually tattling on [you to] your parents is a waste of time. Where do you think you got that attitude from? It's a total bluff."

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  • College, Schmollege

    13

    "At my school, we are supposed to refer to all of our students as 'future college graduates.' It feels like putting so much pressure on the kids to fit a certain mold. I have students who I suspect might not graduate high school, let alone college, because their apathy toward school is already so ingrained that I don't know that they can turn it around in time. I see some students trying not to roll their eyes every time a teacher calls them 'future college graduates.' I haven't used the phrase at all. I call them 'ladies and gentlemen' because frankly, building the kind of behavior that will make them worthy of those titles is more important to me than every one of them going to college."

  • The Secret's Out

    14

    "I know all your secrets. You aren't as quiet or subtle as you think. I know which teachers you like and dislike, which boy you have a crush on, the unfortunate and often disturbing details of your sex life, what you did on the weekend, and some rather depressing details of your home life. Pretty much all of it is interesting, most of it funny, some of it soul crushing."

  • A Lie for Good

    15

    "I tell all my students that they could be top students if they tried. That's totally not true. But the reality is that this lie gets a few of them to actually try, and this causes them to perform better and learn better than if they actually knew the truth. Because learning is something like 80 percent effort and 20 percent genes. So I lie. And I'm glad that little Susie is getting a B in math instead of the F she would otherwise have gotten; but please don't take math in college."

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