13 Mortifying Examples of Kids Oversharing With Their Teachers

Wendy Robinson | Dec 30, 2016 Big Kid

iStock.com/mediaphotosRecently my 8-year-old son decided to write a story for school. He called it "The Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid" and told the story of a kid who got a case of the bad poops when his dad made him drink wine. The kicker? He labeled it as "based on a true story." 

It was fun having to explain to his teacher that the true story part was based on my son's recent case of tummy trouble, NOT the being-forced-to-drink-wine part. Nothing like having to reassure a teacher that your third grader is not having a glass of Merlot every night. 

At least I can take comfort in knowing that most teachers have heard more mortifying stories than mine. How do I know that? Easy -- I asked! Read on for 13 all-time embarrassing things kids have WAY overshared with their teachers. 

  • Full of It

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    "My mother-in-law had to undergo emergency surgery for some intestinal blockage and other issues. I don't know exactly how my husband explained this to my son, except that I later found out he told his fourth grade teacher that, 'Grandma is having surgery because she is full of sh*t.' Lovely." -- Amanda B., Grand Rapids, Michigan

  • Red-Faced Read

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    "My son's class had book bags -- the idea was that the kid brings a book from home to school and then brings a book from school to home. Easy, right? Then, at school, they read the book in reading circle and draw a picture or a story about it. 

    We were rushing around and my son was being poky about picking a book, so I finally just snapped and told him just to grab something. 

    Picked him up that afternoon and discovered that he had grabbed Fifty Shades of Grey. Had a little note from his teacher that said, 'We decided to skip this one during reading time' with a little smiley face. So embarrassing." -- Vi H., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Cute Teacher

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    "My daughter told her cute, young, male teacher that I said he had a cute butt. In my defense, he does! Also, I didn't think she heard me say that. She is a better listener than I give her credit for, I guess!" -- Annie R., Patterson, New Jersey

    More from CafeMom: 10 Most Embarrassing Things Kids Say

  • Code Red

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    "My daughter told her teacher that her dad's butt was 'red like a monkey' during a science unit on animals. She was referring to his red boxer shorts. Oh child. Why?" -- Tess B., Des Moines, Iowa

  • So Fancy

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    "We were at parent-teacher conferences and my daughter's teacher asked her what kinds of things she liked doing at home. She thought for a moment and said, 'I like when Dada is dressed like a girl and looks SO FANCY!' 

    My husband blushed so hard. He does throw a mean princess tea party!" -- Melissa L., Clovis, New Mexico

  • Bounce Problems

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    "My son told his teacher that I wasn't going to volunteer to chaperone the field trip to the trampoline place because 'bouncing makes my mom pee.' 

    That is keeping it a little too real. But his teacher has four kids. I'm sure she gets it." -- Hessie J., Edina, Minnesota 

    More from CafeMom: 14 Most Embarrassing Things Kids Have Done in Church

  • In the Bag

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    "My daughter's class had an assignment to talk about how to go grocery shopping (to learn how to write about processes, I guess). She wrote this whole thing and described making a shopping list and her list said, 'wine, beer, cheese, wine, candy, wine, and beer.'

    I swear we aren't lushes! We'd just had a party the weekend before so our grocery list was a little more fun than usual." -- Morgan S., Spokane, Washington

  • No Smiles

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    iStock.com/Ruslan Dashinsky

    "We don't usually fight, especially in front of the kids, but one weekend we had a squabble and got a little heated. The next Monday, I picked my daughter up from preschool and her teacher asked if everything was okay. Apparently my daughter told her, 'Mommy and Daddy were mean to each other and they DID NOT have a smile in their voice when they were talking' and then burst into tears. 

    She is a little sensitive, and I was a lot embarrassed." -- Name withheld by request

  • Bad Dad

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    iStock.com/Ruslan Dashinsky

    "My son's teacher asked the class for examples of what can happen when you 'don't use your listening ears.' My son replied, 'If you are a dad and you don't use your listening ears, you don't get to sleep in the big bed with mama anymore.'

    Um, yep!" -- Ashley T., Tucson, Arizona

  • The Sex

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    iStock.com/Petar Chernaev

    "My son's pregnant teacher emailed me in the middle of the day to tell me that she had laughed so hard she cried in class. She said that they were finishing a project in art time and she asked if anyone had any questions. My son, I guess, raised his hand and said, 'I know you did the sex to make a baby. Do you have to do the sex again to get the baby to come out?'

    She said she had to tell him that she was only answering questions about art." -- Jennie C., Houston, Texas

  • Mom Hobbies

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    "My daughter's first grade class did this Mother's Day project where they answered all these interview questions about their moms -- what they like to eat, favorite color, etc.

    Super proud that she said -- for the question 'What does Mom like?' -- 'My mom likes to drink wine and tell Dad she is too tired.' 

    I do like to flop on the couch and rest when I get home from a long day at work, so she isn't wrong, but sheesh, that sounds bad!" -- Mara C., Holland, Michigan

  • Something Shiny

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    "Well, my kid is the one who brought a bunch of multicolored condoms to school to use for art class. In second grade. She likes things that are shiny." -- Karen V., Columbus, Ohio

  • The Truth

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    iStock.com/Mlenny

    "My son's fifth grade teacher was a legend. She was known for running a no-nonsense classroom and really pushing the kids hard. I guess my son overheard my joking about her to my husband because when I picked him up one day, he told her, 'This is my mom. She thinks you're a real old battle-ax. Whatever that means, right, Mom?' 

    I'm lucky I didn't end up with detention!" -- Erin C., Ames, Iowa

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