5 Stages of Getting Your Kid's Report Card

report cardIt's that time of year again -- and no, we're not talking about the holiday season, we're talking about report card season! (A decidedly less festive time, to be sure.) And whether you're looking forward to finding out the details of your kid's academic progress or dreading it, there are certain aspects of the report card experience that are universal to all parents.


1. The Butterflies Phase

Can't you feel that flutter of anticipation in your stomach just thinking about it? As soon as you see what's printed on the paper in that envelope (or posted on that impossible-to-navigate school website), not only will you know exactly how well your kid has been doing in class this year so far, but you'll also know how good (or bad) of a job you've been doing helping him with his homework, reminding him to cram for quizzes, and paying attention to those newsletters his teacher sends home at the end of every week with "suggestions for further study." (Is that like homework for your homework?!)

2. The Technical Difficulties Phase

If your child's school has made the leap from paper cards to virtual, you can add at least an hour of tech-related frustrations to your already mounting report card anxiety. What do you mean, my login isn't correct? But I just changed the password! No sequential numbers allowed? EMAIL THE SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR FOR HELP?! Yup, you're locked out of the portal. AGAIN.

3. The "Wait, what?!" Phase

Wait a minute, your daughter got a "P" in social studies and an "M" in science? What does it all mean?? Things were just fine when they stuck with the letters in the beginning of the alphabet. Is this all Common Core's fault? Before long, they're gonna be grading with emojis!

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4. The Shock and Awe Phase

Depending on how hard your kid's been hitting the books, this is the part where you're either giddy with relief or quietly devastated. You're all, "And to think, just last year he was falling behind in math! I'm sooooo proud," or "And to think, just last year he was at the top of his class in math! I'm sooooo gonna wring his neck." 

5. The Self-Congratulatory/Self-Blaming Phase

You know what they say: A child's success (or failure) all comes down to his parents, and that's you! So now's the time to either pat yourself on the back or bang your head against the wall. Good thing you spent all that extra time with flash cards and online drills! (Pat, pat, pat.) Or, why oh why did you tell your son to figure out his homework by himself because that's the only way he'll learn?! (Bang, bang, bang.)

Here's hoping your kid gets plenty of, um, whatever letter means they did something good this term! And if they didn't, don't bang your head too hard. There's always the next report card!



Image Via iStock.com/eurobanks

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