20 Ways Your Baby Is So Much Easier Than an Elementary Schooler

mom exhaustedWhen you’re in the trenches of life with babies and toddlers, it’s natural amid the dirty diaper haze to dream of a day when your kids will be a little easier to handle. You fantasize about a time when they will tie their own shoes, wipe their own bottoms and cut their own food. But if you have a baby and you find yourself wishing for the big kid days, let me stop you right there.


Of course, babies need everything done for them and it’s incredibly draining. There’s no question it gets easier for a parent in a number of ways once their kids can do more for themselves. That said, big kids bring a different set of challenges that can be harder to handle than anything a baby can toss at you. If a baby cries, there are obvious solutions at the ready -- pacifiers, bottles, bouncing, rocking, singing -- there are whole books devoted to soothing their troubles. Even if it takes a while to find one that works, at least you have options.

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As your kids get older, however, you will quickly learn that there is no script for when your second grader comes home crying because her best friends won’t talk to her anymore. Nor are there easy solutions when your 6-year-old son suddenly decides he hates all pants despite the frigid winter temperatures.

No, life with older kids is no picnic, and once your children reach that stage, you may find yourself pining for the simplicity of the baby days once again. Here are just some of the reasons babies are much easier than big kids:

  1. You don’t have to beg babies to do their homework every.single.night.
  2. Babies don’t have BFF drama to rehash every day after school.
  3. Babies won’t complain about their wardrobes or beg for the latest pair of expensive sneakers.
  4. Babies will never lose library books or ruin that latest pair of expensive sneakers.
  5. Since babies can’t spell, you can still speak freely in front of them.
  6. You can’t trap a big kid in a pack-and-play or exersaucer while you shower, and that’s usually when they decide to try operating the toaster for the first time.
  7. Babies can’t use the internet and order $49 worth of dumb apps on your iPad.
  8. Babies can’t get into trouble at school.
  9. Babies smell adorable. Big kids (often) smell horrible.
  10. Your baby will never say “I hate you." Your big kid will probably average telling you this at least once a week.
  11. Babies won’t know it’s their birthday. But big kids will want an elaborate party their friends will talk about for months.
  12. If you curse, you can bet your big kid will repeat it in the most embarrassing place possible. Babies, on the other hand, can’t talk.
  13. Big kids will ask for 74 different items at the grocery store while your baby only wants a binky.
  14. Babies think their parents are the best thing ever, but with big kids, sometimes the jury is out.
  15. Babies might sleep through dinner at a restaurant. Big kids will almost definitely whine and/or refuse to eat.
  16. Big kids are like feral cats, going in and out the front door, but you can put a baby in a crib.
  17. Babies are amused by the simplest things. Your big kids are forever bored of their newest app and looking for something more to entertain themselves.
  18. You can be naked in front of your baby and not worry that they will tell their kindergarten teacher that mommy has “long boobs." Yes, this happened to me.
  19. Big kids have absolutely terrible taste in TV shows (I’m looking at you, Breadwinners), but babies will watch anything without complaint, so clear out that DVR!
  20. Big kids can argue with you. Enough said.

What is so much harder now that you have a kid in elementary school?


Image via shutterstock

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