8 Reasons Your Kid Won't Be Invited Back for Another Playdate

Playdates are a necessary evil of parenting, but there are some behaviors so horrific that they warrant a permanent playdate ban. What behaviors, you ask? I'll tell you!

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  1. Screaming, shrieking tantrums. We have enough loud and crazy here to deal with already; there’s no need to borrow more.
  2. Hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, pushing, throwing/breaking things, and swearing. My house, my rules. I prefer for my kids to feel safe and comfortable in their own home, not terrorized and threatened by a little punk of a peer.
  3. Being mean to the dog. Those kids need help, but they aren’t going to get it at my house. Go away and stay away.  
  4. Stealing and destroying property. Kids break shit, and accidents happen. But when they mysteriously only happen when you’re here, and EVERY time you’re here, we’re going to have a problem. 
  5. Setting shit on fire. No. Just ... no.
  6. Failure to overcome separation anxiety, and failure to inform US of this. Now look. I know sometimes those first sleepovers can be hard. Sometimes even traumatic for some kids. But if you consistently BEG to spend the night here, and also consistently decide around 2 or 3 a.m. that you need your mommy to come pick you up ... Every.Single.Time. ... you may need to wait a few more years before you get to try this again. I don’t want to be a meanie, but we just can’t keep doing this. And parents of these kids: if you KNOW that this happens all the time, but fail to mention that it might be a problem because you “thought it might go differently at your house”? Yeah, no.
  7. Lice and/or bedbugs. This is more of a parenting thing than a fault of the kids, but regardless. If you bring either of those nasty critters over here knowingly? Banning will be the least of your worries. Do you even KNOW how much it costs to get completely rid of bedbugs?? What kind of sick freak knowingly inflicts that on anybody, especially your kids’ friends? Quarantine that shit and handle your business. And then maybe we can meet for a playdate at the park in a year or two.
  8. Failure to GTFO. Generally, when the kids have friends over, there’s at least a vague plan for when it’s time for them to go home. Now, being a few minutes late, I get. But “running late” does NOT mean eight hours after your mom said she was coming to get you. You know what happens to milk after its expiration date? Yeah, now take it and hide it behind the couch for, ooooh, say, three weeks. Now pick it up and take a big whiff. Smell that? Yeah, THAT. Don’t do that. Don’t linger past your expiration date. For the love of all things holy, GO HOME.

What are YOUR biggest playdate pet peeves?


Image via Scary Mommy

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