The other day I was looking at some weird photo of Lady Gaga in her typical WTF makeup when my oldest son came up behind me and peered at the laptop screen. "I don't even think that person is real," he said, frowning. "She's just made out of pointy things and ... like, feathers?"
It got me thinking that it would be funny to show him various images of pop culture topics and ask for his opinion on what they're all about. You know, the Kardashians, Fifty Shades of Grey, Beyonce -- what do these things mean to a kid who has no idea who or what they are?
Without further ado, here's how an 8-year-old explains ...
"Hmmm. I think this guy does tattoos for a job. He looks like one of those kinds of teenagers, you know, like he just thinks he's so cool. But like ... *pauses, raises eyebrows meaningfully* he's really not."
That infamous elevator fight with Beyonce's sister and Jay Z:
"I think they were arguing about something and she got so mad about it, she was just like *shakes fist* WHAT THE HECK I AM SO MAD AT YOU. He probably said something super mean. Or maybe he burped! You know how you get mad when we burp and you say it's not polite? I bet she said that and he was like, 'I'll burp all I want to' and that made her mad. That other girl's just standing there because she's like that WAS a pretty gross burp."
"I think this is the start of a TV show about a bunch of silly guys. The one making the pointy hand is the leader. The guy on the left is like the dumb brother. That one guy's pants are WAY too small. I don't even know how he gets those on."
Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie:
*Gasp* "Hey it's where we used to live! Seattle! Anyway ... let's see, he's a tough guy and he's about to fight a bunch of bad guys, like with a pistol or something. Yeah. It says 'Mr. Grey will see you now' because he's about to jump out of that window and shoot all the bad guys from the air. He's like, 'I will see you in ...' and then he says the H word. Probably this isn't rated PG or PG-13 because of that word."
"This is a baby. You're saying people are interested in this baby? Babies don't even do anything. It's like 'Oooh, wow, he pooped in his diaper.' Who cares about that?"
The 2013 Kardashian Christmas card:
"What is -- what? I don't get it. This is ... you know how you say Adventure Time is too freaky and it makes you feel like you took cold medicine? Well that's what THIS is like."
More from The Stir: How Are You Explaining Miley to Your Kids? 'The Stir' Writers Discuss! (VIDEO)
Have your kids ever been confused by overexposed celebrities?