10 Worst Things About Being a Mom Over 40​

Mom over 40My oldest son will be 9 years old next month, and I do not suffer from that common motherly state of disbelief that my precious little newborn could possibly be such a big kid. Sure, I get nostalgic over his baby photos and all, but the reality is that it feels pretty much exactly like it's been 9 years. The part I can't wrap my head around is my own age: if I add 9 to my age when I gave birth to him, it would seem that I am officially 40 and change now. What?

There's no point in wasting too much energy fighting the aging process, since the alternative is, well, DEATH, but that doesn't mean I don't have a few complaints. For instance, here's my list of the most annoying things about being a 40+ mom.

1. All the other moms seem younger. I know it's not actually true, but it sure feels that way. I expect moms of babies to be younger, but I swear the moms of kids my own kids' age are all in their late 20s or early 30s. What's up with that?

2. Those tiny chairs in the kids' classroom hurt like hell. One of these days there's going to be a parent-teacher meeting where I have to take the chair with me when I go, like a hermit crab, because I can't pry myself back out of it.

3. I resent every unwrinkled, well-rested young mom making festive octopus-shaped dinner rolls in that FamilyFun magazine. Real talk: I just subscribed to More. Yes, the middle-aged lady magazine. It's refreshingly devoid of adorable Pinterest crafts.

4. I'm too old for new math tricks. My 8-year-old's math homework is totally incomprehensible to me and I cannot be expected to learn new methods of doing basic addition, okay? My brain is rusty and set in its ways.

5. The legal drinking age never stops blowing my mind. You know when you're buying groceries and you see that little sign at the checkout, "To purchase alcohol a person must be born on or before today's date in --" and then there's a number listed that's TOTALLY CRAZY? What do you mean, 1993? Those people are infants. They shouldn't even be allowed to ride front-facing in a car.

6. Things my kids love are remakes of things that were popular when I was a kid and my kids think those things are deeply lame. Whatever with your Michael Bay explosions, whippersnappers. Our Transformers had a bitchin' theme song that tried to rhyme "disguise" with "meets the eye."

7. When did kid movie previews get so loud? How to Train Your Eardrums to Explode Right Out of Your Damn Head, more like.

8. My aging digestive system is no match for my kids' leftovers. It doesn't seem like eating the rind of a forgotten Eggo would cause me to bloat so hard the button violently shoots off my waistband and rebounds off the wall, and yet here we are.

9. My kids heard a ringing land line at our neighbor's house and were totally confused by the exotic sound. Then I regaled them with the horrifying tales of a time when children couldn't skip commercials on the TV ... and the picture was black-and-white.

More From The Stir: 10 Things I Had Wrong About Turning 40

10. Taking the kids to the pool is an ongoing lesson in self-affirmation. Here's what I've learned about being 40: it doesn't matter how in shape you are, or whether or not you've taken off those pesky extra 10 pounds (or added 20) ... at this age, there's an entirely new thing to feel self-conscious about, and that's the fact that harsh noon sunlight casts an extremely unflattering spotlight on every single middle-aged woman's skin, probably even Jennifer Aniston's. I don't mean the skin on your face, either. I'm talking about the fact that even the most Pilates-toned bodies start looking like a cheap Old Navy shirt that's been crumpled in the bottom of a hamper for a while, and there's NOTHING that can be done about it, so you either stop wearing bathing suits altogether (screw that!) or you suck it up, bare your saggy lumpy loose new skin with pride, and try not to creepily hiss at the teenagers to "CHERISH YOUR COLLAGEN WHILE IT LASTS, GIRRRRRRLLSSSSS."

Where my 40-and-fabulous (but don't talk to us before coffee, moisturizer, and concealer) moms at? What would you add to this list?

Image via giovanniallegra/Instagram


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nonmember avatar Chris

Being too pooped out to go to any meetings (PTA, etc.) at night.

Amy Whiten

Gah. I'm a 42 year old mother of a 4 week old. It's terrifying how old I feel right now.

nonmember avatar Liz

I stopped aging when my daughter was born. Sure, I may be 37 in human years, but I'm only 28 in my head.

I think cartoons today are overall better than when we were growing up. Every so often my kid will binge on something I used to love and I'm invariably horrified at how terrible it is.

nonmember avatar mindi Ferronnie

how about 'being a mom over 50"? i am 53 and have twin 9 year old sons. but, honestly,i never think of my age. i never did, really. doesn't mean anything to me. (i still shop the junior department...because i can.) the only thing that seems to not work for me, in my role, at my age, is what i call, "kid noise." all that vocal energy. ahhhhh! otherwise, it's cool to re-explore the world and offer my aged perspective while encouraging them to develop their own....and so on. no retirement for me. thankfully.

nonmember avatar Christina M

I will second the younger mom thing. I have two kids going into 2nd grade, and last year one of the other moms from their class said she was born in 1990. I laugh-snorted (because I have no care about what anyone thinks of me) -- and told her I graduated high school that year.

Also, my friends have kids who are high school or recently graduated. I have tried to befriend local women with kids my age for several years, but they have been super competitive and judgemental and it's hard to talk pop culture references.

Conversely -- because we waited so long to have kids, my husband is very established in his profession so I'm able to stay home with my kids and shuttle them around to various activities and therapy (my son has autism), which I feel endlessly fortunate to be able to do.

Unrelated -- your Stir articles and blog are high on the list of my favorite reading on the internet, so thank you.

Kathy Rear

Yes to everything except most of the moms I know that are my age have kids still in grade school or just going to kindergarten. There was a horrifying moment where I was getting aquatinted with someone my age and she suddenly said, "I love living in a college town! So much eye candy, am I right!" I look to see who she's talking about to see she's leering at my 19 yro son.
She was pretty embarrassed but covered cattily by saying, "What were you a child bride?!"

00NoW... 00NoWay00

It's weird because I was a young mom (23 adn 25 when my kids were born) and I feel sooo out of place in my town because most of the moms with kids the same age as mine are all in their mid to late 40s. I am currently 37 and my kids are 12 and 13. There are a couple of other "young moms", but not many. I never thought that 23 was "young" to be having kids. :-/

nonmember avatar Diane

43-year-old with a 4-year-old and two teens over here! Let's see ...

1. Younger moms -- yep, I'm older than most moms in my little one's pre-k. I sort of like it though.

2. Haven't noticed the thing about the little chairs in classrooms.

3. No resentful feelings here, I like crafty stuff, even when done by unwrinkled young moms.

4. Yeah, math. They teach it differently these days than when we were kids! Also, I thought my brain was going to melt when I had to essentially relearn geometry so I could help my daughter with her homework. It wasn't so bad though.

5. Drinking age -- so true.

6. Yes, remakes are quite a source for amusement around here.

7. I think previews have always been too loud.

8. Digestive system -- not there yet. Something to look forward to?

9. Hahaha! This.

10. Hey, I still wear my swimsuit with confidence. I'm sure I look my age, but I do my best with sunscreen and lots of exercise, which is important for people of all ages. I'm there to have fun with my kids anyway.

Milissa England Cheves

Women have been having babies in their 40's forever.  This is not a new thing at all.

My great grandmother had 12 children.  Her last was at age 45.  

I am 37 and we are planning to have our third in the next year.  

nonmember avatar rita

Try learning that girls you went to school with are now GRANDMOTHERS. What the???

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