Every once in a blue moon, my husband volunteers to watch our 4-year-old daughter so I can go meet friends and otherwise have a life. While I'm always grateful when he grants me these few hours of freedom, some small part of me wonders: What do those two do when I'm not there?
While I can't imagine my husband would ever tell me the truth, I decided to poll a bunch of other dads on what they do with their kids when mom's not around, just to get an idea. Their answers are equally hilarious and horrific -- they'll make you wonder whether you should ever leave him alone with your kids ever again.
"Whenever my wife travels for work, I take my kids (6 and 3 years old) to a diner and we eat cake for dinner. It was going really well until my 3-year-old told my wife when she saw her the next morning, 'Daddy gave us cake for dinner!'"
"I used to say that my son's first words would be 'Don't tell your mom.' When she's not around, we attend psychic expos. My son has an interest in the paranormal that my wife does not approve of. We didn't talk to the dead, but he did talk to 'mystics' about animal spirits, angels, Bigfoot, and aliens."
"I let my kids have the two dogs sit on the sofa with them (a major no-no) and we watch scary movies (another no-no). Got caught once. I was told that the kids would be better off staying home without my supervision!"
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"I let my kids (age 9, 11, and 13) hammer and saw with my tools, climb ladders, go on the roof of the garage, wade in the stream, stay up late, and drive the car in the driveway on my lap."
"Plenty, but here's a start: Potato cannon (she was 4); eat dinner in front of the television; have a pizza eating race; blueberry basketball (each person's mouth is the "hoop" and the goal is to sit across the table from each other and try to get as many blueberries in the other person's mouth as possible); go rock climbing (infant, strapped to my back, I climbed); bribe them to do chores so I look good. Funny, no 'Dad of the Year' trophies for me; I wonder why not?"
"One time my kids and I were in a hotel and all we had in the ice chest were hot dogs, but we had nothing to cook with. So I took an extension cord, stripped the end, and stuck the copper wire in each end of the hot dog. Then I plugged it in and watched it sizzle. You need to hold the plug because too much time and the hot dog blows up."
Have you caught your partner misbehaving with your kids?
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