Why Giving Your Kids Chicken for Dinner Will Piss Them Off

kid yellingA bunch of big-brained scientists with fancy degrees recently concluded that kids become more aggressive when they're eating chicken on the bone. The researchers from Cornell University found that kids who eat chicken on the bone are twice as likely to be hostile toward other kids and disobey their parents. The researchers, who clearly think cancer is going to cure itself, found that biting food increases activity level, aggression, and noncompliance, and advise parents to avoid serving it before bed or during a dinner party.

The findings indicate that kids are more obedient and less aggressive when they use utensils to eat as opposed to biting the food directly.

More From The Stir: Hitting & Biting in Toddlers: How to Handle It

This study sounds like a bit of a stretch to me. Though I suppose there are some cases in which eating chicken on the bone could make a kid more aggressive. For instance:

1. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while watching Platoon.

2. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while playing Mad World or some other incredibly violent video game.

3. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while repeatedly getting punched in the face by his brother.

4. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while mainlining Mountain Dew.

5. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while at a paint ball/bouncy house party with 50 screaming kids.

6. If your child is eating chicken on the bone following four cupcakes and two donuts.

7. If your child is eating chicken on the bone that's laced with Pixy Sticks.

8. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while listening to incredibly loud, profanity-rife punk rock music.

9. If your child is eating chicken on the bone while they're in the middle of playing football.

10. If your child is eating chicken on the bone immediately after receiving an incredibly realistic, noisy toy gun.

Other than that, I'm thinking chicken on the bone is fine. But then again, I'm not a big-brained scientist with a fancy degree. What do I know?

What do you think of this study?

 

Image via Justin Paget/Corbis

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