21 Worst Things You Can Say to a Mom of a Child With Autism

mom covering earsWhen it comes to being a mom of a child with autism, one big frustration is dealing with other people. You know who I mean -- people who just. Don't. Get it. Some mean well but are simply ignorant, while others are clearly suffering from Compassion Deficit Disorder. Either way, it's still appalling what comes out of their mouths sometimes. We wish everyone would just think before sharing their two cents. Here's a few of the worst things moms of kids with autism have ever heard.

1. You need to learn how to control that your kid.

2. Maybe all he really needs is a good spanking.

3. Autism is over-diagnosed, you know.

4. Your child has autism? There's an app for that.

5. She doesn't act/look like she's got autism to me.

6. Autism is just an excuse for bad behavior.

7. What's the big deal? All kids are like that.

8. Why don't you put him in a special home?

9. He couldn't have autism, he's too cuddly and sweet.

10. Back in my day, we didn't have this autism because we actually knew how to discipline our kids.

11. You had her vaccinated, didn't you. You know that's what causes autism, right?

12. You probably didn't breastfeed long enough.

13. What's his "special" thing that he's really good at?

14. There isn't anything wrong with your kid. You're just a crappy parent.

15. Oh my kid does that all the time, too. It's just a 3-year-old thing.

16. I'm sorry.

17. He'll grow out of it.

18. You just want that diagnosis for your kid so you can send her to a better school.

19. You just need to make your child listen to you.

20. Too bad you'll never be a grandmother.

21. I don't think your child will ever be a productive member of society.

What's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you about parenting a child with autism?


Image via Tanya Constantine/Blend Images/Corbis

autism, special needs


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Movie... Moviebuff

Most of these are the truth deal with it.

Manth... Manthie717

I have a new upstairs neighbor with a son with autism. I have been very very patient with the excess noise that comes from upstairs. I'm sure his mom has heard all these and more. It's a disease that is not understood well and those of us that don't have to deal with it on a daily basis need to keep our opinions to ourselves.

nonmember avatar FarmersWife

The only one I slightly disagree with is "I'm sorry". I've said this to moms of autistic children when they tell me the diagnosis, but every time we continue chatting and they don't ACT offended. I hope I didn't offend anyone... Not having a child with autism, I'm not sure how I'm suppose to react when someone says "we found out today..." I usually say something along the lines of "aw I'm so sorry. Great you caught it now though! How is ... doing?"

Lane-... Lane-Moja

Oh. My. Gosh. How can such compassionless people exist?!

I worked as a behavioral therapist for the Lovaas Institute based out of UCLA with children diagnosed with autism.

As if being a parent of a child with autism isn't already hard enough. To either watch your child develop typically then digress, or to never have the connection, the physical affection or eye contact you have with your other children, or that you see other parents have with their children isn't heart-wrenching, but to have such spineless and insensitive people make comments like stab wounds in your side is just so wrong.

The best thing a person can do is ask a mom of a child with any disability, or any typical child for that matter, if she needs help or back up of some kind! You may be her angel of the day!

Lane-... Lane-Moja

Their brains do not process information the way they should, the way ours do, so often over stimulation (to them, where as other children can handle and process it) in a child with autiam it can lead to outbursts, and self-stimulatory behavior, including self-injuring behavior. It is tragic so many people lack the knowledge and the empathy- like @Moviebuff perhaps Rainman is the closest you have come to a real interaction with someone with autism.

nonmember avatar Lbdmom

I see the angry, bitter Moviebuff has decided to make her appearance on another article for people with autism. Seems sad she has no other life other then trolling this website for autism articles. I know people don't want to be around you because of your toxic personality, but maybe step outside in the sunshine every once in a while. Might make you less bitter and hateful.

nonmember avatar Brena

I have heard most of these, and they break my heart everytime I hear them. All I want is for people to care for and accept my son the way he is. No one likes to feel lonely or be an outcast.

As for things I don't care for hearing: ""Well -blank- causes Autism." First there are 1,000 of Autism studies, and scientist still don't know what causes Autism for sure. Second some of the studies that link so and so to Autism, are merely linked because of coincidence (for example: more children that have Autism are bottlefeed formula without Omega 3's. This is probably because children with Autism have easily upset tummies. So they would need a gentle formula which doesn't have Omega 3's in them. Also they may not do well with breast because of sensory issues. They could not like the physical contact, they could not like the fact that breastmilk taste different with what you eat, or just stomach issues.)

What I do like is when a random stranger notices my son having a meltdown, smiles at him, and softly tries to talk to him. This usually calms him down quickly. It also makes me feel better. Like others aren't judging him.

nonmember avatar Jason

When we have to carry little man out of wal-mart during an episode, we get the 'looks' but no one has ever been brave enough to say anything. If they did, I might just explode is a burst of swearing wildly at them.

Oh and Moviebuff:
Go get pancreas cancer. Please and thank you.

nonmember avatar Maris

Parent with such children should not fill rejected or 2 bad God will straighten u very soon u will b Happy God is making a way for it care do ur best be happy even does with normal children hence ur child make little mistake they will say is bad up bringing the WORLD has a big mouth

nonmember avatar Anon

Autism IS over diagnosed.

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