Co-Sleeping with Big Kids

63

Over in Baby Buzz, Cafe Suzanne put up a great post about the danger of co-sleeping with kids under 6 months. I think I'm well past those concerns, but what I do want to know about is co-sleeping with big kids. Not a week goes by in my house without one of my boys ending up in our bed. In fact "our" bed is just a figure of speech. The bed clearly belongs to every human in the house.

At wholefamily.com, an early childhood development expert warns against co-sleeping with older kids. "I would suggest that parents who wish to let older children sleep with them, consider the message that they send to their children. Why do children want to sleep with their parents? Children are saying, "I need you for everything. I need you to get me dressed, to feed me, to take me places and to….sleep," she writes.

"The parent, by saying yes, says to the child, "That's right, you do. You can't do it alone. You will always need me to help you, even during the night. Twenty-four hours a day, I will be there.""

But the other thing the expert argues (which I get totally, no matter how much easier said than done it is), is that co-sleeping with big kids is generally not great for parents either. Turns out, we need our grown-up time, our intimate time, our rest.

Do your kids sleep in your bed?

63 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

amysm... amysmomma505

in fact ye,..but mine is almost 2 and tonite im actually trying to use a co-sleeper next to my bed!!1

Misan... MisanthropKitty

i like sleeping with my son and it actually makes us closer... i dont need "experts" to tell me how to parent

ivans... ivansmom07

We co-sleep.  I wouldn't have it any other way.


Let me guess, this expert also advices to let children cry themselves to sleep...

Tanya... TanyaR1024

My son did until about 3 years old. I think allowing your children in to your bed is telling them "I will be here for you when you need me. You will know when you are ready to move on to the next step." Adults don't sleep alone generally. Most of us sleep with a spouse. I am scared if I'm alone at night for long. I would imagine a young child would be extremely scared. And as for the dangers of co-sleeping before 6 months-did she make a post about the dangers of putting your child in a crib? It's amazing to me how women all over the world and all throughout history have slept with their babies and yet modern American women just can't manage-it's too "dangerous". What makes us so different?

laran... laranadtony

My son is 18,has a job and goes to school and he still crawls in bed with us.It  is not big deal!

norbert norbert

 We co slept with both of our kids until they were 3, they both now sleep in their own beds unless sick or wake from a bad dream. It worked great for us and both of our kids are independant, self relient, out going and yes they can dress themselves, eat all by themselves even make their own lunch for school.

orien... orientallily56

My husband had been co-sleeping with his daughter till she was 10. She needs to be with him all the time when we have her 4 -5 days a week. He still "puts her to bed" like a 3 year old although she is now 14.  I do  not think it is healthy to co-sleep with your older children for too long, they need to learn how to sleep alone and be independent .

Malho... MalhotraFamily

I wanted to point out that co-sleeping with a child under 6 months is not dangerous if you do it properly.  I still sleep with my 2 yr old and will probably do it until she no longer wants to.

22mommyt 22mommyt

i think as long as its not every night our child just needs that comfort of mommy sometimes! In my house we have nights my 4yr old comes in and sleeps w/us and we enjoy snuggling together (my husband, i ,and my son) i think it adds that sicurity letting them know that your still there and love them very much!! 

simpl... simplyjaneen

SO, what does it say when you let your husband sleep with you? It is okay for adults to sleep together but kids have to sleep alone? I mean, will someone please tell me the logic in this? Hmm, there is no logic in it. Right now, my daughter sleeps with me. My husband is 7000 miles away in South Korea, we're staying with my older sister and we have one bed to sleep in. When we join my husband in South Korea, she probably will share the bed with us until she adjusts. She goes to sleep just fine on her own, she has a bed time right now (mainly because mommy needs a few hours to herself so she doesn't go insane) and I put her in bed with a book and she "reads" and goes to sleep. When I'm ready for bed, I join her. Before, most nights she would either fall asleep on her own and we would put her in her bed or we would put her to bed. She usually would join us at some point during the night. We have never had any problems finding time for intimacy and the only issue we've run into is that sometimes the bed does get a bit crowded so sometimes I'll crash in the other room on the twin bed. No big deal.

1-10 of 63 comments 12345 Last