The Work At Home Mom (WAHM), is like devil spawn of a Stay-at-Home (SAHM) and a working mom. Though many people think it's ideal (I do), it comes with a shocking amount of guilt, a penchant for procrastination and a sprinkle of self loathing. I know, I'm making it sound awesome, right?
We have no actual schedule and no other people in "the office" for motivation, and we have constant feeling that we need to be accomplishing many things at once to be productive - like mulitasking on crack, which is why WAHMs have a lot in common.
If you're thinking of us in short shorts and high sweat socks, then you're thinking of WHAM and that's a different article, though I do write a lot about being obsessed with the 80s.
That said, I thought I would make a list of traits, thoughts and occurrences most WAHMs have thought said or done:
1. You hit afternoon carpool and realize you forgot to brush your teeth.
2. Your friends don't understand why you can't meet them for lunch and then you can't understand why they stopped asking.
3. You spend half your day in what you wore to bed last night..
4. You take conference calls in your closet.
5. When your children ask you to stop working for a few minutes (and they will), you feel like you just got stabbed?
6. You wonder if that dent in the sofa there before you started working from home?
7. You know every place within a 10 mile radius of your home that has free WiFi.
8. You go to check your email and an hour later you realize, you were sucked into the internet abyss because you needed to know Tina Yothers looks like today?
9. You wonder how much attention you need to give to Barbies or Lego or trucks to seem like you're into it while you continue working.
10. You know the name of that weighty feeling in the air … guilt.
11. You stop working to switch the laundry.
12. Your to-do list look like this: Email signed contract, get juice boxes, take conference call, volunteer in class, buy glitter, shower.
13. This phrase makes sense: "Maybe, I'll go into the office today. Hmm, Starbucks or Barnes & Noble?"
14. A day when no one has a doctor's appointment, calls home sick, has a class party, or needs a chaperone, is a triumph.
15. You may have a child or pet under your desk, using you as a jungle gym, or strewn across your computer while talking to the CEO of a huge conglomerate.
16. You keep tabs on the time during the day when you should've been getting work done and tack it on to the time after your kids go to bed. You'll talk to your hubby tomorrow.
17. If you get caught up on Facebook or WWF for an hour, you spent the next hour in a pit of self loathing.
18. Your internal battle starts in the morning when The Today Show has an interesting guest - "I'll start work after this segment … maybe just one more segment, I can't miss Steals and Deals … then I should catch up on The Voice before people start talking about it…"
19. The baby cries, but you're still pretty sure his/her nap is not complete.
20. You gauge the success of your work day by how many items on your list you've checked off. Twenty-five percent is an amount worth celebrating.
21. You have to turn down a business call on Skype or Face Time because your boob is in someone's mouth.
22. People think because you're a WAHM you can work-out whenever you want, Bwahahaha.
23. You wonder, how your house is still such a mess when you've been in it all day?
24. You've caught yourself encouraging the kiddos to watch a little more TV or play a couple more video games so you can meet a deadline.
25. You have to think about how much (or whether you can have) wine with dinner, as you'll probably need to work again before bed.
26. Procrastination comes easy. You could put off work until you've completed any of these necessary tasks: straightened up, plucked your eyebrows, watched last night's Bachelor, sterilized your makeup brushes, organized your junk drawer.
27. You find yourself negotiating with your kids over how much time they get on Animal Planet before you get your computer back.
28. Falling asleep on the job is always an option.
Yes, it's the best of both worlds ... a la mode ... with a little stir crazy on top.
What is your favorite WAHM trait?