10 Motherhood Skills That Should Result in a Pay Increase

If motherhood were a job -- and don't get your panties in a wad, I mean a paid job -- there would be certain qualifications resulting in a higher pay range. Not things like expressing love and teaching and caring and all the things we have to do, but the extras; the things that really separate the weak from the strong. The things like these ...

1. A 90 percent success rate of determining if a child is well enough to attend school.

2. Capable of fully catching a mouthful of vomit in a single hand, without so much as gagging.

3. Knowing exactly who's to blame for the marker on the couch, mud on the floor, or nail polished bathroom sink.

4. A purse that contains the following, at any given time: Kleenex, hair elastic, Vaseline, candy, wipes, quarters, and Band-Aids.

5. The ability to unwrap a chocolate bar without making a sound.

6. Success in keeping the house lice-free for the past three years. (KNOCK ON WOOD A THOUSAND TIMES.)

7. Survived a 20-hour drive to Disney World with three children and no DVD player.

8. Convinced children there were actually eyes in the back of my head for two years.

9. Only had the police show up at the door a single time.

10. On track to make it through the worst winter in memory without suffering a breakdown.

Are YOU up for a raise, too?


Image via Scary Mommy



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The 2 am feedings need to be added as well.

nonmember avatar needsmorecoffee

#2 happened while we were visiting extended family. everyone looked revolted as I caught a handful and the hubs jumped to get paper towels for me. Just another day in this glorious life.

nonmember avatar Kristi

#2 happened merely 2 weeks ago when I went to pick my daughter up from daycare. She gave me "the look" and I caught it...in my hand, face, hair......the daycare girl was, to say the least, horrified. (after school teenager)

nonmember avatar Jeanne

I don't think I'm going to qualify for this raise....#10 is just about to break me!

nonmember avatar Kim

Making it through the worst winter while pregnant and not breaking down pretty much makes me deserve a massive raise. My 8 year old is still alive and unharmed, even.

I just said the other day that I feel like morning sickness is training for the bodily fluids you'll deal with later. 34 weeks and it never went away this time; it only stopped being all day sickness. Starting the day so regularly with vomit normalizes it a bit.

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