If motherhood were a job -- and don't get your panties in a wad, I mean a paid job -- there would be certain qualifications resulting in a higher pay range. Not things like expressing love and teaching and caring and all the things we have to do, but the extras; the things that really separate the weak from the strong. The things like these ...
1. A 90 percent success rate of determining if a child is well enough to attend school.
2. Capable of fully catching a mouthful of vomit in a single hand, without so much as gagging.
3. Knowing exactly who's to blame for the marker on the couch, mud on the floor, or nail polished bathroom sink.
4. A purse that contains the following, at any given time: Kleenex, hair elastic, Vaseline, candy, wipes, quarters, and Band-Aids.
5. The ability to unwrap a chocolate bar without making a sound.
6. Success in keeping the house lice-free for the past three years. (KNOCK ON WOOD A THOUSAND TIMES.)
7. Survived a 20-hour drive to Disney World with three children and no DVD player.
8. Convinced children there were actually eyes in the back of my head for two years.
9. Only had the police show up at the door a single time.
10. On track to make it through the worst winter in memory without suffering a breakdown.
Are YOU up for a raise, too?
Image via Scary Mommy