In the most obvious study in the history of obvious studies (conducted by Captain Obvious himself), researchers at Open University have found that couples who remain childless actually have happier marriages than those who choose to have children.
Gee, I wonder why. Now, I will say, in my own marriage, this has not been exactly accurate. My husband and I had our first baby 3.5 years into our marriage and we have been 100 times happier since she arrived. It's not ALWAYS a marriage killer to have a baby (or two). That said, there are many, many ways I can see that kids DO make marriage much more difficult. The truth is, when you are first married, the focus is entirely on the person. When you have kids, the focus changes and not all people are willing to hang with that.
Here are eight ways kids kind of do tend to kill marriages:
1.) No money: Forget fancy dinners and nights out, EVERY red cent goes to their classes, their clothing, their food, their childcare, their tuition. No money for romance or presents or long, romantic vacations.
2.) Lingerie? I think not: Once you are a mom, it's like all your sexy lingerie disappears and suddenly, well let's just say he better find spit up REALLY alluring because that's what he's going to see!
3.) Bed hogging: I would say at least five nights a week, by midnight we have at least one child sleeping in between us. On bad nights, it's two. Forget morning sex or even middle of the night wake up sex. It ain't happening.
4.) Conversation chokers: My husband and I try to go on date nights and we have a nice time together, but you would think we have NOTHING else on our plates except the kids. They are ALL we talk about.
5.) Time sucks: The afternoons would be my ideal time to have sex, but guess what? That NEVER happens. There are karate classes and birthday parties and those all day naked parties your spouse and you used to enjoy pre-kid don't happen. Ever.
6.) Sheer exhaustion: I don't care how well your kids do or do not sleep through the night, the truth is, you sleep less when you have kids. No matter what. You never stop thinking about them or checking on them or worrying about them.
7.) Being "touched out": With children, there is an unbelievable amount of "touch" that happens. They want to nurse and sleep on your and cuddle with you and be on your lap while you read. It is so beautiful and sweet but when your spouse ALSO wants to touch, it can be a bit like: PERSONAL SPACE PEOPLE, PLEASE!
8.) Itty-bitty blockers: Ever try to cuddle your husband in the kitchen while making dinner? I have and it NEVER fails. Two little creatures always crawl in between us.
The truth is, all these things are facts, but neither my husband nor I would have it any other way. Sure, it could ruin some marriages, but in the end, these are fleeting moments. My husband and I will have our alone time again and I am sure we will spend it missing every second when our kids were young. WAH!
Do your kids "ruin" your marriage?