Last week, I offhandedly remarked to Evan that he could do something or other once he lived in his own house. He looked at me with horror. "Mommy!!! But I'm going to live with you forever," he informed me. I laughed but later realized it wasn't all that funny.
I love my kids with all my heart, but by the time they've graduated college, I look forward to loving them while they reside on their own. You know, so I can go into their homes and barge into the bathrooms and eat all of the food they bought for themselves. That's something to look forward to!
But I can't argue with his thinking; other than my habit of yelling too much, living under my roof is pretty damn nice for them. Perhaps too nice. Come to think of it, it's almost like I'm asking them never to leave.
Does having your children live with you forever sound like a future you'd like? Want to avoid the empty nest syndrome altogether? You can pretty much guarantee it by doing the following ...
1. Cook them whatever they want. The same meal for everyone in the family? No way! Ask each child what he or she feels like eating and that is what they shall eat. For all three meals, of course.
2. Clean up after them. Those toys they love to dump out so much? They're only fun to dump out when they've been cleaned up and organized. Make sure to do that nightly.
3. Let them control the TV. There's nothing you really care about watching, anyway.
4. Never ask them to use their manners at home. Manners are for outside of the house. In the comfort of the home, let them put their feet up and chill out. Even at the dinner table.
5. Don't enforce bedtimes or limit electronics. Rules, schmules!
6. Give them money. I'm not talking an allowance. No chores, no responsibilities. Just give them the money like it grows on trees!
7. Rub their backs at bedtime. And don't leave until they're fast asleep.
8. Buy them everything their hearts desire. Not just for their birthdays and Christmas or Hanukkah. All year round.
9. Make their beds every morning. Who doesn't love climbing into a perfectly made bed every night?
10. Tell them they're the most amazing and wonderful creatures to ever walk the Earth. Which, of course, they are.
Why on Earth would they ever leave?
Image via Scary Mommy