15 Reasons I’m Glad I Don’t Do Santa

Mom Moment 54

I love Christmas and all the Christmas traditions — I love practically everything about the season — except for one itsy-bitsy complication: I’m Jewish. As much fun as dreidels and a well-lit menorah may be, they just can’t compete with an entire culture that goes Christmas-crazy every year.

But there’s one big Christmas tradition that always makes me glad I’m Jewish: I don’t have to do the Santa thing. Here’s why I’m glad for that ...

1. I get credit for shopping. It takes a significant amount of time and expertise, even if you do it all on Amazon.

2. I get credit for buying. Look, kids, those gifts cost money. Mommy’s not letting a bunch of elves get all the glory while she spends her hard-earned cash.

3. I get credit for wrapping. You think it’s easy to wrap a basketball? It’s not. But I did it, so RESPECT, bitches.

4. No lugging my kids to the mall to make them sit on the lap of a strange man. Weirdest tradition ever, Gentiles.

5. No expensive wish lists. Yes, technically Santa’s elves could make you a giant flatscreen TV just as easily as they could make you an iPod, but they won’t, and I don’t have to justify the reason why.

6. No letters to Santa. Mail carriers are busy enough this time of year to have to deal with a bunch of letters with fake North Pole addresses on them. We’re practically saying, “Here, U.S. Postal Service. Throw these away for us.”

7. No Santa stalking. You know what I don’t want to do on Christmas Eve? Spend it obsessively checking a website or a Santa-tracking app to see if the sleigh has made it to our area.

8. No Santa suit for my husband. Trust me: No one looks good in that much red fabric. And, no, I won’t sit in your lap either.

9. No fake reindeer crap. Any tradition that involves fooling kids with excrement is a tradition I’m glad isn’t mine.

10. No cookies on a plate to feed an already overweight man. Our kids’ biggest hero is expected to eat cookies at every stop and still shove his fat ass down a chimney. No wonder obesity is such a problem these days.

11. No carrots or glittery food for the reindeer. God forbid Comet and Prancer get left out at snacktime.

12. No messy ashes tracked around the fireplace as evidence. If Santa can deliver to eleventy-billion homes in a single night, he can clean up after himself.

13. No whining on Christmas Day. Because they got up and Santa forgot to bring one of the 15 items on their wish list.

14. No sadness when the truth comes out. Yes, kids, Mommy has been lying to you all these years about an imaginary fat man who bends the laws of space and time while wearing a fluffy red suit. Stop crying. All the other parents are doing it.

15. My kids behave out of love and respect ... not because of a naughty and nice list. No, I’m serious. They DO. Quit rolling your eyes, dammit.

Are you glad your kids don't believe in Santa?


Image via Scary Mommy

activities, independence


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

early... earlybird11

I must ask; the first part of your article says you love christmas, being jewish, I know it is not because "Jesus is the reason for the season" but then you obviously list everything else about christmas we have, that you dislike. I get that they are meant to be funny, although I find some silly, but what is it that you "like" since you asserted that in the beginning... btw im not being a b***h
- my husband is jewish and he always celebrated christmas a bit even before we got married and then had our son who is catholic, like me.

fave82 fave82

I love doing 4, 6, 10 and 11.. some of my fondest memories as a child. We don't do 7, 8, 9 or 12 (I don't know if you're aware, but none of these things are mandatory). I think you're being pretty over dramatic with 14.. and 15, so snotty and sanctimonious I don't have words (MASSIVE eyeroll).

First... FirstTimeMama21

Wow. You sound like a stuck up Bitch.

the4m... the4mutts

Im not jewish, but I can't stand the santa myth, or half the other christmas traditions.

Why do we need to have a creepy pedo tell our kids "sit on my lap little boy, then I'll creep into your house and leave you a present!" *gag*

I like the season. I like winter. I like giving. I LOVE creating things with my kids to give to family members. I dont like the lies. The guilt trips for not being christian/santa believers, and I dont like the materialism.

B1Bomber B1Bomber

We probably won't do Santa with our kids, except as a nod to a popular tradition and the personification of gift giving, but I don't have anything against it. My parents did Santa with us as children (although I was only 3 or 4 when I realized Santa and Dad had the same handwriting) and I never felt betrayed because they "lied" to me.

nonmember avatar FreedomofSpeach

Well aren't you a Bah-Humbug? I hope your article is tongue-in-cheek because if it's not, you sound like you suck the fun out of everything.

Sarah... SarahHall58

I'm struggling with whether or not I want to do the whole Santa thing with my son. I don't like the idea of this major lie to our kids to try to get them to behave. Especially when were supposed to be teaching them NOT to lie then it's like "oh mommy and daddy have been lying to you for years but lying is bad honey". I'm struggling. I also really hate wish lists and the "awww I didn't get this ridiculous thing i asked for I'm going to pout over top of the other 10 things I DID get". To me that doesn't teach our children to be grateful for what they have or for the hard work of others. So I get what you're saying here for sure. If the "reason for the season" is supposed to be about Jesus then why is this huge fat lie about an obese man in a red suit such a big deal.... I don't know. I'll never understand.

EmilyH87 EmilyH87

My parents didn't do most of these things besides the cookies and going to see Santa. We never even wrote Santa letters. Only a couple of really big gifts and our stockings were from "Santa." Everything else under the tree was from Mom and Dad. Do a lot of kids get traumatized when they find out Santa isn't real? I know I and my brother closest in age to me didn't. We just kind of grew up and realized it was all for fun and kept it going for our younger brothers. And Santa definitely wasn't the only reason we listened to our parents.

adamat34 adamat34

How stupid. Santa is not a major lie. Its a magical thing and kids need wonder amd excitement. Why ruin childhood cause.you want credit...take pride.in the fact you are able. Some children believe in Santa and still get nothing.

kisse... kisses5050

 When parents dont "do" the santa thing...they are thinking of themselves and not their children as seen in this artical. Credit? Who cares? It is about the kids. Kids need wonder and magic and imagination.  Our children are falling behind in creative  thinking because parents want them to be little  grown ups..

1-10 of 54 comments 12345 Last