Why I’m Glad I Changed My Mind About Having a Second Child

Mom Moment 18

When my eldest daughter was two years old, I went in for my annual girly doctor appointment. While discussing birth control options, I mentioned that I wanted to have my tubes tied. I was 22 years old at the time, had been married just over three years, and I knew that I never wanted to procreate again. I was at my wit’s end, man.

My lovely doctor didn’t bat an eyelash, and just said that that wasn’t something she normally liked to do for mothers of two-year-olds. I ended up with a Mirena instead, which I loved by the way. I’m so glad that I didn’t do anything permanent back then, because my second child has been a huge blessing in so many ways.

About a year later, I started toying with the idea of having a second. It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted another, but I didn’t want my firstborn to grow up an only child. I know there’s no guaranteeing that siblings will be close, or even speak to each other once they leave the house, but I wanted to give my daughter at least an opportunity for a lifelong relationship with someone that shared her DNA.

After a few months of really hemming and hawing over the idea, I ditched the birth control, and nine months later, gave birth to my second daughter.

It was the best decision I ever made.

My baby will be six in a few short months, and my daughters already have an amazing relationship. Even though they’re almost five years apart, they still like playing together. The age gap is pretty great, actually, since they’re far enough apart to not compete too much with each other, but still close enough to not be in completely separate worlds.

Especially now going through a divorce, I’m so grateful that they have each other. They will always be the two people on the planet that share the same two parents, and went through this experience through no fault of their own. They get each other in a way that no one else will ever be able to, and I’m so glad for that.

I love watching them fight like cats and dogs, or be annoyed with each other, or just generally squabble like siblings will, and in the next breath be fiercely protective of one another. I love watching their relationship grow and develop into something mature and wonderful. I love watching them be silly together.

I love that there are two of them, and I hope they always have each other.

Have you changed your mind about having more kids?


Image via Jenny Erikson

family, sibling rilvary


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dearg76 dearg76

I actually have to say thank you for this article. My daughter is 3 and we have been going back and forth if we should try for another. I worry about the age difference and how close they will be. Thank you reading this didn't provide me with an epiphany but it did help me feel better about having another child

nonmember avatar Eva

Ditto what dearg76 said, exactly. I'm glad that the second child was the right decision for you. I'm in that boat right now, myself.

dariu... darius-momma08

This article is addressing the same problem I'm having right now. I'm just so damn nervous I hate being pregnant.

nonmember avatar Nicolle

Great post! One of the best gifts you can give your child, if you are able, is a sibling. I also read something not long ago about people usually regretting not having more children, but never regretting having too many.

Maria Elena Love

I wish I would of read this article 3 years ago my husband had a vasectomy because I had a horrible pregnancy and postpartum depression and now we regret the decision. Is just heart breaking

Lynette Lynette

Great post

nonmember avatar tulip

perfectly written article! and finally someone not stuck on their own selfishness of keeping their child an "only". how refreshing!

Traci... Traci_Momof2

The Mirena is great for giving time to decide.  I always knew I wanted a second child but was unsure about a 3rd.  After my 2nd was born, I felt pretty darn sure I was done but didn't want to make a hasty decision.  So I got a Mirena to give me 5 years without going permanent.  DH and I discussed it a lot over those 5 years and at the end of it came to the conclusion that we were still sure we didn't want anymore.  So now I have permanent BC with two beautiful boys I am raising.

BTW - I have just one sibling, an older sister who is 4.5 years older than me.  We were always close growing up and leaned on each other during rough times.  A larger age gap is not a bad thing.

raega... raegansmom

To each their own.  I knew before DD was born that she would be an only.  She is 6 & we have never entertained the thought of having more kids.  We are a happy family of 3!

Tonig... Tonigirl97

I have a daughter who will be 13 in Dec and a son who turned 8 in October. There are just about 5 years between them.

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