Sadly, I do many of these things on a regular basis, which is a sure sign I've completely lost all ability to have a rational thought, that my memory is only good for quoting John Hughes movies and remembering all the words to obscure songs from the '80s/'90s, and that my IQ is plummeting faster than Miley's odds of NOT being completely naked in her next video.
Look, I can tell you the names of all the characters from The Facts of Life, or Growing Pains, but I have no idea where I left my keys, what pending appointments I have, or why I just walked into this room?!
In fact, I have so many momnesia moments, I'm surprised I don't have a permanent hand print on my forehead from face-palming all day!
After talking to other mothers, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone -- we're all losing our minds together. Phew, I mean, that's so horrible to hear (but really, thank goodness I'll have company in the loony bin).
Here are just a few unbelievably inane things parents have been known to do.
- When I go grocery shopping, I have this odd habit of assuming there is a grocery fairy who unloads the trunk. PS: There is not. I tend to google "how long perishables can sit in a hot car" on a regular basis.
- I often drive out of my garage talking on my phone. Halfway down the street I'll curse it because it loses reception, only to realize I'm talking on my cordless house phone.
- Just last week, I accidentally poured tea tree oil on my tongue instead of vitamin D drops. Same bottle, yet if you've ever had the experience of smelling sinus clearing tea tree oil, you'll understand why I brushed my tongue and gargled for 12 minutes straight. (Luckily, I didn't gargle with Sea Breeze -- did that once -- no tongue zits for a month.)
- I tend to wash and rewash the same load of laundry multiple times, as I usually forget about it long enough that the mildew odor needs to be washed out of it. That's energy efficient, right?
- I've actually complained to the person I'm talking to on my cellphone that I can't find my cellphone, to which she replied, "What are we talking on?" Brilliant, Jenny, brilliant!!!
- Once in Universal Studios, I threw the designer sunglasses I'd just gotten for the holidays into the bin after a simulator ride and kept the 3-D crappy ones on my head for the rest of the day.
- At least once a week I have to go to the bathroom and feel my toothbrush to make sure I brushed my teeth that morning.
- I recently had a parent teacher conference after school but forgot to grab the kids in my carpool on the way to the classroom. Ten minutes later the intercom went off asking if I was there, as my carpool was the last to get picked up and one of the kids had watched me walk right past them -- um, oops.
- I somehow miss payment on one out of every three teeth lost, and if I do remember, I have to steal the dough from one child to pay the other. I may be the worst Tooth Fairy EVER!
- My bestie left her cellphone on the hood of my car, it somehow slid into the groove by the windshield. We found it a week later when my wipers wouldn't work during a thunderstorm.
Don't judge me, as I'm not the only numbskull ... here's a list of doozies my Facebook Fans shared:
- I've tried to fit a gallon of milk on the pantry shelf and stood there moving boxes around for a full three to four minutes before I realized I was trying to put the MILK in the pantry because the cereal box fit quite nicely in the fridge. — Laura O
- I was looking for my keys to start my car while sitting in the driver's seat of said RUNNING car. I even ran back into the house to look for them -- all the while my husband was laughing so hard, he was crying. — Megan E.
- I've paid for groceries, left them at the store, and didn't realize it until I got home. — Redd M.
- I asked my son one day to help me look for himself, cuz I couldn't find him!! — Melanie C.
- I've found my purse in the fridge and my takeout from the night before on the counter. Keys have also been found in the fridge. It's my go-to place for lost items, apparently! — Elizabeth H.
- I left meat thawing in the microwave and forgot about it, then berated myself, yet somehow did it AGAIN the next day. — April H.
- I've shown up for work on my day off. — Julia Y.
- Once in preschool, I took my daughter to school with socks on, but no shoes! (At least she was wearing pants.) — Debbie S.
- I made a special trip to the grocery store yesterday for Oreo ice cream pie items. I left the pie crust on top of the car. On my second trip the crust made it home, but I forgot the ice cream! (I give up.) — Heidi M.
- I lose, with disturbing frequency: My glasses, my cellphone, my homework, my purse, my car key, my coffee ... even more disturbing, the things I find that don't belong where I am looking for the things I need. — Genevieve C.
- I've worn two different shoes to work (same style/one brown and one black). — Rachael B.
- I usually get halfway through the day before I realize an item of clothing is on inside out. — Kirstie P.
- I always stash treats away so the family doesn't eat them all, then I completely forget about them myself! — Michele D.
- I pour OJ on my cereal, A LOT! — Jamie F.
- My friend dropped me in front of the grocery store to run in for something. I came out and hopped in the car, which I must say was at least still a gray SUV, but alas not my girlfriend's SUV. "Hello stranger." — Noelle N.
Spill -- what makes you wanna give yourself a Hello McFly?
Image via JenEcards/TheSuburbanJungle