It never fails. At least once a week or so, my 7-year-old son asks me when he's going to be allowed to have his very first sleepover, and every single time, my answer is the same. I usually chuckle under my breath a bit and say, "Not any time soon."
And it's not because I don't think he's old enough or that the separation anxiety of being away from him for a night is too much for me to take. Nope. Not even close.
I won't let the kid stay overnight at anyone's house (other than my parents') because they'd probably refuse to let him come over ever again.
Oh no ... not because he's a little terror or anything like that. Let's just say that he's not exactly the best sleeper, among other things.
Here's a hypothetical run down of how I imagine the night will go if my kid ever sleeps over at ... let's just say your house.
- He'll wind up in bed with you -- I haven't been shy about the fact that I co-sleep with my 7-year-old. Granted, he starts off every night in his own bed, but by 3 a.m. or so, he wanders into my room for the remainder of the night. And odds are good that when he stays at your pad, he'll expect middle of the night snuggles from you as well.
- He'll leave you with bruises -- See number 1, and then picture being elbowed in the eye or having a knee shoved into your back all night. If you want him to stay with you, I'm making you sign a waiver first.
- He'll have you up before the roosters -- Ever since he was a baby, my child hasn't been fond of sleeping in -- not even close. Don't be the least bit surprised if he wakes you up somewhere between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 a.m.
- He'll expect deep conversation -- There's no grace period once you hop out of bed -- he'll start firing off questions and want to have an intelligent discussion right away. Yes, even before you have a chance to pour coffee.
- He won't eat a damn thing you serve -- OMG. My little dude is the pickiest eater EVER. If you so much as mention the word broccoli around him, he'll gag. And if you don't have a certain brand of chicken nuggets or pizza, he'll wind up going to bed hungry. And then he won't sleep.
- He'll want a "mommy cuddle" and a lullaby -- He'll act all independent and brave ... until the lights go out. Then he'll miss me coming upstairs for one last cuddle, and if you don't know the special song I sing to him every night, he's going to be all kinds of pissed.
- He'll tell you your house is haunted -- No joke. He'll see things. He'll hear things. And he'll try and convince you that there's something paranormal going on in your home. For whatever reason, he tends to psych himself out when he's in the dark in a strange place. (I wonder who he gets that from ...)
Has your child slept over at a friend's house yet? How did it go?
Image via Trevor Lush/Corbis