10 Halloween 'Treats' That Should be BANNED

Mom Moment 193

Here’s the thing about thoughtful, considerate, health-conscious parents: They always ruin it for the rest of us, including Halloween. At some point over the last few years, some responsible mommy got her panties in a wad and decided kids needed something other than pure unadulterated candy at Halloween. Something safe, healthy, and/or useful.

Screw that. Give the kids something beneficial all the other 364 days of the year. On Halloween, give them chocolate and sugar. Indulging them this one day out of the year won’t make them obese. With that in mind, I refuse to hand out any of these candy alternatives ... 

1. Raisins. Happy Halloween, kids! Have a box of humiliated grapes.

2. Pencils. Nothing says “I am the least fun person ever” like a mom distributing school supplies.

3. Toothbrushes. I know you’re a dentist, but give me a break. Give the kids a free toothbrush when they visit you next month to treat their Halloween-fallout cavities.

4. Halloween erasers. First, novelty erasers barely work as erasers, which is like owning a pair of scissors that aren’t made for cutting. Second, they will become stupid and outdated the minute the calendar rolls over to November 1. Also, you can’t eat them.

5. Pennies. I don’t care if you’ve carefully counted out twenty of them and put them in a cute bag. Pennies are a worthless annoyance, even in quantities of twenty. Especially in quantities of twenty. In fact, I’d rather you just give me the cute bag.

6. Stickers. Because they will end up on my floor, or the windows of my car, or the bottom of my shoe, or in someone’s hair. No.

7. Religious crap. I respect your faith, but not your intent to impose it on my children. No Bible verse cards. No tiny Bibles. And, sweet Jesus, no pamphlets about how Halloween is satanic. You know what’s legitimately evil? Not giving out candy.

8. Juice boxes. Might as well hand out water guns filled with grape juice.

9. Apples. You know who’s always handing out apples in the fairy tales? Witches, that’s who.

10. Coupon booklets. Halloween is about the immediate gratification of 1) getting candy and 2) eating candy. Whereas a coupon involves 3) me having to take the kids somewhere to redeem the coupon and 4) probably having to buy something else. Too many steps. No thanks.

For children, Halloween is one of the highlights of the year, for approximately one reason: Candy. Quit ruining it with your responsible “treats,” humorless grown-ups. Give the kids the damn candy. You know, so I can eat it. 

Image via Scary Mommy




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Movie... Moviebuff

I once had someone give my kid a can of corn.

shavi... shaviceli

It is time to stop this stupid Halloween begging for candy.  We tell our children "Don't talk to strangers, don't take candy from strangers", but this one night anything goes?  When you get a robo message from your local law enforcement on what houses to stay away from due to child molesters it is time to stop. Everybody is up in arms about the obesity rate of our children it is time to stop begging for more candy.  With violence being up they can hide in costume and attack in plain sight it is time to stop.  This is not a religious holiday(as far as dressing up and begging for candy). It is a day on the calendar that make candy makers big $.  That is all it is about.


Rebec... Rebecca7708

I agree with most of them but, I like the juice box idea.

lovem... lovemyson1224

I laughed at all of these. Too funny!

amomm... amommy2jack

The can of corn comment make me truly LOL - I'm in the office and everyone looked at me!  Too, too funny.


HILARIOUS!!!  Because as a child that is EXACTLY what I was thinking when I received some of this stuff Trick or Treating. *** Now the McDonald's coupon book was exempt from the snarky thoughts.  :)

B1Bomber B1Bomber

My husband makes these cool picture quotes (generally with Bible verses) for various holidays (Mardi Gras, Halloween, Christmas) as well as just day-to-day ones. We hand those out along with the candy.

Happy... Happydad73


You probably hate Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and bacon too. Only the terrorists hate bacon.

nekoy... nekoyukidoll

i'm ok with some of these like the pencils, and raisins, and erasers I'm ok with with but yeah, i agree on the religious stuff, don't push your religion on me or my kids.  I did remember one year I got a can of soda and always thought that was cool

nonmember avatar Christie

I think you should replace the juice boxes with something else, we went to a house giving them out and DD and DS were both in need of a drink (we were about to head home and grab them something since we'd forgotten to bring them) and we just happened upon a house giving them out. I think it's a good idea as long as too many houses don't do it in the same area. Also, on the last one, I don't think coupons are very good to hand out, but the ones from McDs that have the free ice cream, free cookie, or the free fries is nice. The kiddos like getting them.

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