Are you a "mombie"? Hey! Wake up! A mombie used to be a thinking woman, but motherhood turned her into a glazed-eyed zombie who only talks about potty training, finding the right preschool, sleeping schedules, etc. "They want to hash and rehash the normal, everyday things that kids do," says one anonymous mom writing in Mommyish. "Or fret and fret over the smallest things. For the entire soccer practice." Mombies have forgotten that they are human.
If you've gotten all the way through that first paragraph and managed to read all of the words in it, you may not be a mombie. Congratulations! (And let me commend you on your reading comprehension skills -- I cannot tell you how rare a thing that is these days.) But if you still have lingering doubts, here are 15 things mombies say.
1. I'm on the waiting list for that preschool. And 22 others. I just want to cover my bets.
2. My son's sleeping coach told me we should cut out cruciferous vegetables from our diet.
3. I'm worried about the influence Caillou has on my daughter. I think he makes her whine more.
4. They just don't make enough gluten-free kids' snacks with the cartoon characters we like.
5. So that was yesterday's potty training. Today I decided to use the blue star stickers instead of the green because I think they're more motivating ...
6. Do you think the soccer coach gives each kid equal amounts of personal attention? I think my daughter is being neglected.
7. What's this thing you just mentioned, an "orgasm"? Is that something I need to buy? Does Target carry them?
8. Yeah I follow about 50 kids' bento box lunch blogs.
9. So after the last battle with hair lice, everyone sleeps in hair nets.
10. If you ever want to know the very best brand of toilet paper, just ask me. I've researched them all.
11. I don't think you're worried enough about your child's peanut allergy.
12. So yesterday his afternoon nap was only 58 minutes, and usually it's a full hour ...
13. I tried that laundry detergent but I thought the scent was weird. But then I tried the unscented and my laundry just didn't smell clean, so then I tried this other brand.
14. I mean, you can't stop paying attention to your kids' bowel movements once they're potty trained. I keep a chart tracking what time of day they go every day just so I know their digestive systems are working properly. It's super important.
15. I just got this new app that lets me monitor my kids' breathing all night. It's awesome.
Do you know any mombies?
Image via Gianluca Ramalho Misiti/Flickr