10 Jobs You Didn't Know You Signed Up For When You Became a Mom

LOL 26

funny faceBefore my daughter was born, I spent a lot of time reading up on how to get "prepared" for motherhood. Brush up on diapering skills? Check. Learn AAP recommendations on back to sleep? Check. And on and on it went. But for all the duties the parenting books prepare you for, there are hundreds they leave out of the mom job description

Ah, didn't know there WAS a mom job description, did you? Because motherhood isn't a job? It's true. Motherhood is not a job.

It's dozens of them! Just take a look at the jobs I have become pretty darn adept at in the 8 years since my kid was born ...

1. Detective. So the NYPD isn't exactly knocking on my door, begging to hire me, but I'm busy anyway ... I'm solving the mystery of a missing left shoe.

2. Sandwich artist. Yes, that's what the people at Subway call themselves, and ya know what? If I can manage to get four perfectly equal triangles with no jelly oozing out the sides, I think I can slap squares of cheese on bread.

3. Cosmetologist. Why didn't anyone tell me I was going to have to learn French braiding and hair de-knotting when I became a mother?

4. Biologist. What is that growing in the bottom of the toybox? Wait, is that an abandoned peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Or was that ham?

5. Pediatrician. I'm not saying I'm board certified or anything, but I've gotten pretty darn good at telling a real cough from an "I don't want to go to school today because we have a math test" cough.

6. Seamstress. Let's just say that if you ever plan on getting a puppy, you buy a giant storage unit and move ALL of your child's most beloved toys into it first ... that is unless you like spending your Friday nights with a needle and thread making repairs?

7. Security specialist. I have done the reconnaissance and ensured that the closet is secure. There are no monsters in there.

8. Doorman. She goes out, I get up and close the door. She comes in, I get up and close the door. There's also a bit of yelling out the window or up the stairs to "close the darn door," but this one still seems to be in my area of expertise. 

9. Mechanic. Maybe I can't fix MY car, but I've become adept at tire balancing and door repair on Barbie's car.

10. Dental hygenist. Ever brushed the teeth of someone who was trying to make a break for it? I have.

What jobs have YOU become a master at since you became a mom?


Image by Jeanne Sager

behavior, family


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nonmember avatar Cass

A pediatrician requires a bachelors degree, an MD and a residency (11 years of schooling). Having sex and squeezing out your spawn doesn't make you a doctor. Unless you have a bachelors degree AT least, you are not a biologist. In your example, you'd have to be a microbiologist. That's about ten years between the bachelors and the phd.

Finding shoes doesn't make you a detective. Making a PBJ doesn't qualify you as a Subway worker. Brushing hair doesn't make you a cosmetologist. Fixing holes and hemming pants doesn't make you a seamstress. Checking the closet for mobsters and setting the alarm system at night doesn't make you a "security specialist". Opening and closing a door doesn't make you a doorman. Barbie's car does not qualify you as a mechanic, and brushing your kid's teeth does not make you a dental hygienist

I have great respect for the unique difficulties that moms face everyday. Crap like this not only attempts to devalue legitimate careers that people spend years training for, but also shows that you're so insecure in what you do that you have to soothe your own ego with fake jobs. Be proud of what you do- its important. Just don't kid yourself into thinking that being a mom is anything other than being a mom.

Chana... Chanandler.Bong

I'm pretty sure she's writing that these jobs were metaphorical. I don't think anyone's thinking that because we're mothers, we hold PhDs and are able to practice medicine. Nor do I think ANYONE's going to think that because we know our childrens' patterns and can tell when they're coming down with a cold, the medical profession is now illegitimate and we no longer need to respect those holding careers. It's just a playful article demonstrating the old saying about how moms wear many hats (not literally. No one is saying that moms LITERALLY wear many hats).

Marga23 Marga23

Wow Cass must be really hard to be you everyday taking everything so seriously, guess you never heard of sarcasm or a sense of humor. Lighten up. Fun article Jeanne!

nonmember avatar Cass

I have heard moms tell pharmacists, doctors, and researchers that they know better because they're a mom. I don't expect you to walk into an OR and try to perform your kid's appendectomy. I'm just sick of people with actual training being ignored in favor of mommy instinct and google. There is always truth in jokes, and this is one I don't enjoy being perpetuated. There's a lot that moms have to handle from all different fields- but don't claim you do hundreds of jobs at once.

nonmember avatar Lololol.

Cass- You sure are a special woman, huh? You need to not take everything so literal. We're all well aware that popping a baby out doesn't give us legitimate titles such as being a doctor. I would just like to personally thank you for pointing that out to us.

Tracys2 Tracys2


caleb... calebsmama12312

I would say nurse too. We as mothers all know what it is to spend sleepless nights nursing a sick child back to health. & of course a cook & cleaning lady lol. Honestly I don't think she is in any way trying to devalue anyone else's careers. She is saying she is these things for her children, not everyone. Also in some cases a mother does know what's better for her child than a dr or pharmacist. It's called mothers instinct. That is definitely not always the case but I have actually had an experience myself if I wouldn't have went against a drs advice & got a second opinion my child who was under a year at the time would have had to be put under anesthesia just so they could make some $ off me. Doesn't mean I have a medical degree. I just knew in my gut what was best for my child.

Kings... KingsleysMommy

Wow! Cass obviously does NOT have a child. Let's celebrate and hope that she doesn't breed. But she probably is also too uptight to have sex ,so we need not worry about her "squeezing out spawn".

It's called humor. 😊 Cute article Jeanna. 👍

ashth... ashthecat

LMAO @ Cass. I'm not sure you understand humor. Your comments did make me laugh though.

nonmember avatar nursekelly1980

funny article :) being a mom is great. @Cass: why don't you go get started on making some "spawn" of your own? it would do wonders for your personality.

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