When my sons were very small, I used to love buying them socks. Stripe-y socks, polka dotted socks, socks with that puffy no-slip paint on the bottom, expensive but oh-so-cute SmartWool socks, socks with itty bitty tiny dragons to match their "Good Knight" onesie (those were my very favorite socks of all). Eventually, though, I realized what a colossal pain in the ass it was to find and match socks to children, especially since my washing machine apparently had a portal that sent various items of baby clothing into a parallel dimension on a regular basis.
At some point I traded in all that adorable footwear for practical bulk bags of plain white socks, which could be shared among both boys. That's what they wear today -- regular old crew socks, the kind with the gray toe and the green "Hanes" stitching.
Locating their socks is no longer a problem. The problem is this: THE SOCKS ARE TAKING OVER MY HOUSE.
What is it about boys and socks? I assume this is a male problem because my husband does this too -- just leaves a sweaty balled-up pair of socks on the floor like some magical fairy is going to whisk them away and return them, laundered and folded, to his drawer. (Newsflash: I AM NOT THIS MAGICAL FAIRY.) But my boys are by far the worst sock-dropping offenders, because they leave them everywhere. I have not found a sole Hanes left in the vegetable crisper drawer yet, but I assume it's only a matter of time.
A few weeks ago I decided to start taking pictures of the places my kids have left their socks, and I've just been saving these images in a folder titled "ARRRGH." Behold, 13 completely maddening non-sock-drawer locations I have spotted recently:
1) Thrown into the snarl of cords behind the TV:
2) Dropped in a toy storage container in the living room:
3) Placed in a basket meant to hold shoes:
4) Shoved in a toy drawer:
5) Discarded in a LEGO container:
6) Nestled onto the base of a bedside lamp:
7) Snuggled next to some stuffed animals:
8) Peeking out from underneath MY bed:
9) Lying under the bathroom step-stool:
10) Hidden between a stack of towels:
11) Chucked on the floor next to an overflowing laundry basket (note: the basket underneath this mess is actually EMPTY, because no one knows how to put things INSIDE OF IT):
12) Tucked into the seat of a chair:
13) Randomly sitting outside on the goddamned lawn. Not that the sock is the weirdest thing about this photo, of course.
Do your kids do this too? Have you ever been tempted to round up all the abandoned socks and serve them to your children for dinner? (Just me?)
Images via Linda Sharps