10 Things My Children Have Ruined

LOL 68

I have a running list of things a handyman needs to someday fix in our house. Things that my children have lovingly broken, like the hole in the wall resulting from the door being slammed too hard and the sink faucet that they somehow mysteriously managed to pull off. Many a time, I have wondered if it's their mission in life to destroy the house. And if it is, they're succeeding marvelously. But it's not just the house they've ruined ... it's much, much more ...

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1. My body. It's not just the cliche things like droopy boobs and stretch marks. Even my feet are a full size bigger than they used to be. How is that even possible?

2. My mind. You know that phrase "I used to have a mind, now I have children"? Truer words have never been spoken.

3. My sex life. There's nothing to kill the mood like a set of eyes peering at you from the doorway.

4. My nails. Before kids, I used to have manicured nails. These days, the closest I get to manicures is scrubbing the dirt from digging for worms out with a toothbrush.

5. My ability to relax. Like, sit back, take a deep breath, and exhale. How does one do that again?

6. My wardrobe. Because who wants to chase kids around in jeans and heels? Hello, yoga pants.

7. My social life. I've been trying to see a close friend of mine for months, but between our seven kids, we simply can't find a time that works. Maybe we'll connect at their high school graduations.

8. My ability to sleep. I can fall asleep just fine, it's the way there seems to be a mass migration on to my side of the bed at 3 a.m. that's the problem.

9. My vacations. OK, maybe they're not ruined, but they certainly don't qualify as vacations anymore. See number 8.

10. My bank account. I stare at our balance and wonder where the hell the money goes. Then I glare at the children.

Thankfully, what the kids add to my life is so much more than what they take away. Good thing I never liked heels much anyway.

 

Image via Scary Mommy

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SNAPA SNAPA

Chuckling while I smirk.

kebrowni kebrowni

Haha all of these apply :P

nonmember avatar Adrian

How can a parent say such negative things about the impact your children have on your life?? This is a horrible article!! My children are blessings from above and I am willing to go above a beyond for both of them!!

kckcm2 kckcm2

I resemble these remarks

danie... danielleapril

thanks adrian, i clickwd on this just to see how long it took for a sanctimommy to pop up.

nonmember avatar Faith

Agree's with Adrian. Oh and if you're going to whine & complain about what your kids have 'ruined' for you-then you should have kept your legs shut. They'll read this article one day and realize what a selfish & vain 'mother' you are. Nice job. Not

lmh84 lmh84

Ummmm..... it's called "having a sense of humor" My children are my life but there are times where you have to sit back and laugh about things... cheer up ya sour puss!

nonmember avatar meghan

One thing having kids has ruined for some of these moms I'd the ability to remove the stick from their ass. I have 3 kids and I wouldn't trade them for anything but most of these points are completely true.

nonmember avatar Jessica M

My son is only 11 months old and I already agree with 90% of this. I love him with all of my heart and soul but I would love to have a full nights sleep in the next decade.

nonmember avatar Amanda

Ladies: see right above the title? The little "LOL?" That's right, it's meant to be taking in fun. She's not serious. Chill out already. If you can't joke about life, then you're too uptight.

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